children

“You have to begin speaking to children immediately in terms of effort as opposed to Any ability. There's no such thing as a good child. There is a such thing as a child that was able to wait 10 minutes and be quiet. There's no such thing as a kid that's good a…”

“How you get them to empathize is by asking questions and then being quiet and letting the kids reason. So, you know, if a conflict's happening, the parent who leads the kids towards empathy is saying things like, God, you know, why is your little sister crying…”

“There's a fascinating research project done by Volpe out of England, a 20 year longitudinal study that showed that children who are targeted by their siblings are at higher risk for being targeted by their peers, higher risk for alcohol and drug abuse for self…”

“We say no so often. That they don't take it seriously on that big one. Well, there's three alternatives to no. You start today. So when you need to say no, you say it, and mean it, and follow through with it.”

“The most important indicator is do they wake up on their own without an alarm clock and without you waking them up? If they don't, they're not getting enough sleep.”

“No two year old is ready to make all her own decisions and no 12 year old or even I would argue 15 year old or 16 year old is ready to make all of her own decisions.”

“If you get them laughing, it reduces their tension. They fall asleep more easily. You know, it changes the body chemistry, but you wouldn't want to do it after the bath because then they get riled up. So you have to do it before the bath.”

“That what matters most in how kids turn out is who we are as parents. It's not a set of strategies, right? It's a relationship, and every relationship comes from two people having that relationship, and in our case, we're the guidance.”

“Their self-esteem comes from two things. One is from feeling unconditionally loved and adored and valued and delighted in. But the second is from being able to get their needs met, to do things well in the world.”

“When do they begin to take responsibility? I think as soon as it becomes clear that no one's going to rescue them”

“So the parent-child relationship is eroded a little bit because the child sees that parent is not completely emotionally trustworthy. This parent is capable of attacking the other parent, or this parent lets themselves be attacked. And doesn't stand up for the…”

“It is natural, I will add, for children to have a hierarchy of attachment objects, people. So it is natural for a child who lives with both parents to have one parent who they select as being the one that they will most go to when they're hurt because they kno…”

“It is never about blame, and if you want children to take responsibility, it's a good idea to Create a household that is no blame. You could call it a solutions, not blame. We're a family that looks for solutions, not blame. So I would start there as a premise…”

“Kids learn best from feedback, from experience. And beginning, especially in the 19 nineties in the United States, and I think perhaps in Canada too we began really overprotecting kids. That is not giving them unsupervised time where they could learn from thei…”

“And so from age eight to 12, I think, is a sensitive period where kids are supposed to have adventures with other kids they play all kinds of games, they self-organize, and what we've done is we've taken that critical period, and we've said, stop, you don't ge…”

“It's not a good idea to have huge conflicts all the time in front of your kids. Indeed, the research is that's not good for them. It freaks them out. But, you know, I feel like there's something very healthy about my kids have seen me and my husband really dis…”

“The best thing you can give your children is parents who know how to support each other and stand together and help each other. Not only that, but you give your children even something more valuable by doing that. You give your children a vision of what a good…”

“Kids tend to draw strong inferences from their parents' reactions to mistakes. So Kyla's work began with a very curious observation, which was that the correlation between kids' Parents' beliefs about the malleability of intelligence and their parents' beliefs…”

“When they see themselves as part of a team effort, it's much easier for them to self-regulate because they know that they're part of a group, part of a team.”

“I think one thing that's useful for parents to remember is about the science of emotional contagion, that like, you know, we naturally catch other people's emotions. If you're embodying calm, and this is going to be fine, and everything's okay, then kids are g…”

“Children ask great questions because they're not, they don't have the overlay Of what should I be asking? They don't have the overlay of, I need to look smart. They don't have any filter. They're just asking the question that come, that occurs to them.”

“Now, if you know video games, and I know video games, and if you know phones, and I know phones, the idea that your kid is going to be able to stop themselves at a certain time is, is just probably setting everyone up for failure. It's just, you get sucked in,…”

“And so I know with 100% conviction that it will make a difference to your kid, even if they don't gratify you by saying something back that's kind in the moment.”

“Like, we don't reproduce. We produce, and this kid is a stranger, and our job is to kind of get to know them. But the word reproduction brings, like, right from the start, brings up very different fantasies for us.”

“Because your public voice will one day be their inner voice, which controls their destiny, their belief in themselves, their joy and happiness in life.”

“There may be kids who need the stimulant, but stimulants are profound, and they are given out way, way too readily without first seeing if we can make adjustments in the child's environment to help them, you know, handle their distractibility.”

“Holding kids to high standards, high expectations gives them a sense. It honors them with the sense that they have capacity. They have capability. Obviously, if you disappoint, if you, if you're giving a kid a zero, what you're saying is you could have done th…”

“They don't have the mental capacity to carry a phone into their room and not go to bed.”

“It's interesting because all the data show that when they get the phone, it makes them more lonely. It makes them more isolated.”

“Don't push them away, because if you keep pushing them away, by the time they're seven or eight and they actually can start kind of helping, they're not stupid. They're like, that's not my job. You know, like you've pushed me away for six years. Why would I he…”

“Most society's parents don't play with children.”