Opinion
Johnson: Biology rejects polyamory trends because human love is neurologically hardwired
“The New York Times writes articles about how Oh, romantic, love is changing, and, you know, we're all going to be polyamorous, or we're going to have hookups until we're 60, and it's all going to be great, and, you know, there's going to be lots of freedom, an…”
Assertion Supported
Johnson: 70% of therapists treating couples lack actual couples therapy training
“Because the fact of the matter is, 70% of mental health professionals in North America say they seek Couples now, because the demand is huge, and most of those people have not been trained in couples therapy.”
Opinion
Johnson: Romantic attachment is structured by biology, not social convention
“These things are not social conventions. They're not made up. You know, the New York Times writes articles about how Oh, romantic. Love is changing, and, you know, we're all going to be polyamorous, or we're going to have hookups until we're 60, and it's all g…”
Insight
Dr. Sue Johnson: Pursuit of Sexual Novelty Stems From Emotional Numbness
“You need novelty when you're numbed out and shut down, and you need more and more novel sensation to have you get turned on. That's the way I see it. Novelty is about how we've numbed out our sexuality. Not how, no, it's not about freedom.”
Assertion Supported
Johnson: 70% of North American therapists see couples without specialized training
“The fact of the matter is, 70% of mental health professionals in North America Say they see couples now, because the demand is huge, and most of those people have not been trained in couples therapy.”
Opinion
Johnson: Teaching couples to 'fight fair' is irrelevant rubbish
“Therapists focus on conflict, teach you how to fight. Fair, and fighting fair is rubbish, ok? It's like, It's irrelevant. It's, you know, it's, so, you know and we don't look at what's going on underneath, which is lack of emotional connection.”
Insight
Johnson: The craving for sexual novelty stems from severe emotional numbness
“You need novelty when you're numbed out and shut down. And you need more and more novel sensation to have you get turned on. That's the way I see it. Novelty is about how we've numbed our sexuality.”
Insight
Johnson: Emotional disconnection drives infidelity much more than sexual frustration does
“The overwhelming thing is people do not have affairs because of sexuality or sexual frustration. They have affairs because they're emotionally disconnected and alone.”
Insight
Johnson: Time cannot heal relationship injuries because brains retain survival data
“People think, people say things like time will heal that it will not. Your brain holds onto it. It's significant survival information. When you needed, your partner wasn't there. They're no longer safe. You can't count on them.”
Insight
Dr. Sue Johnson: Couples Cannot Use Taught Communication Skills During Real Conflict
“The trouble is with communication skills that you can't, all the evidence, all the research says you can't use them when you need them.”
Opinion
Johnson: Therapy teaching couples to 'fight fair' is completely irrelevant rubbish
“And therapists focus on conflict, teach you how to fight fair, and fighting fair is rubbish, ok, it's like, it's irrelevant, it's, you know, it's, so, you know and we don't look at what's going on underneath, which is lack of emotional connection”
Insight
Dr. Sue Johnson: Emotional Disconnection, Not Sex, Drives Most Affairs
“The overwhelming thing is people do not have affairs because of sexuality or sexual frustration. They have affairs because they're emotionally disconnected and alone.”
Insight
Dr. Sue Johnson: Time Does Not Heal Relationship Attachment Injuries
“People think, people say things like, time will heal. It will not. Your brain holds onto it. It's significant survival information. When you need it, your partner wasn't there. They're no longer safe. You can't count on them. Your brain will hold onto that.”
Insight
Johnson: Communication skill training fails during conflict due to amygdala hijacking
“The trouble is with communication skills that you can't, all the evidence, all the research says you can't use them when you need them. I mean, I'm pretty good at all this stuff, but when I'm having a fight with my partner, I don't use all my skills. It's my a…”
Insight
Dr. Sue Johnson: Completely detached relationships cannot be revived
“No, relationships are an alive organism. They're a living relational system. And, you know, there's a certain point where, no, you can't breathe life into it.”
Insight
Johnson: Emotional isolation is biological trauma and triggers neural danger cues
“Emotional isolation is traumatizing for human beings. You're not wired for it. It's a danger cue for your nervous system.”
Assertion Supported
Johnson: Human brains have a specific neural pathway for attachment panic
“When we feel rejected and abandoned by the person we most depend on, There's a special pathway in our emotional brain, and it's reserved for attachment panic”
Assertion Supported
Johnson: Exclusive long-term relationships report highest sexual satisfaction and frequency
“The people who have, report having the best sex, have it most often, are most satisfied with it, and find it most thrilling, are people in a long-term, stable, connected, exclusive relationship.”
Insight
Johnson: Human emotional attachment is inherently hierarchical
“We can love more than one person, but in terms of who you turn to when you really need, in terms of where you take your vulnerability, it's usually hierarchical. We have our special one.”
Insight
Dr. Sue Johnson: Full emotional detachment in a relationship is irreversible
“No, relationships are an alive organism. They're a living relational system. And, you know, there's a certain point where, no, you can't breathe life into it.”
Insight
Johnson: Prioritizing your children over your marriage is a dangerous trap
“A tricky trap to get into by always putting your children first, and always, your children, the best thing you can give your children is parents who know how to support each other, and stand together, and help each other. Not only that, but you give your child…”
Insight
Johnson: Relationship distress stems from emotional disconnection, not conflict
“Your people think that conflict is the issue in distressed relationships. Conflict is the virus. The inflammation is emotional disconnection, that you can't connect with this person, you can't get this person to respond to you, this person isn't responding to …”
Assertion Supported
Johnson: Survey Data Shows People in Exclusive Relationships Report the Best Sex
“The people who have, report having the best sex, have it most often, are most satisfied with it, and find it most thrilling, are people in a long-term, stable, connected, exclusive relationship.”
Insight
Johnson: Serial Monogamy Is Most Natural Because Attachment Is Hierarchical
“For most people, most of the time, you know, serial monogamy seems to be the most natural way that it works because
It's all about, it's not just about sex, it's about attachment.
And attachment tends to be hierarchical.”
