Opinion
Sexton: Marriage licenses should require one hour with a divorce lawyer
“Everyone has to spend one hour with a divorce lawyer before they can get a marriage license. That seems very fair to me. Like, it seems like something that would be useful for people, because at least that way, they'll know, take this thing seriously. And I kn…”
Insight
Sexton: Monogamy is an economic trade of freedom for companionship and sex
“I've always said in relationship, like, if you're gonna rob me of solitude, you owe me companionship. If I'm gonna trade having sex with lots of women For having sex with you regularly. Then that's the deal. Like that's the economy that we've agreed to.”
Assertion Partly supported
Sexton: Infidelity plays a role in 70% to 80% of divorces
“I would be speculating, because it's hard to measure those things. I would say close to 70 to 80%. Where there's some, where infidelity played some part, in some degree.”
Opinion
Sexton: Getting married is legally negligent with a 53% divorce rate
“So I could make a pretty easy legal argument with the divorce rate about 53%. That it is definitely negligent, possibly reckless to get married.”
Assertion Supported
Sexton: 60% to 70% of marriages end in divorce or unhappy coexistence
“You know, 50% or so of marriages end catastrophically, meaning they divorce. Another 10 to 20% either separate but never file for divorce, go out for milk and never come back, or they just sort of unhappily stay together and under surveys basically say, yeah, …”
Opinion
Sexton: Culture Turns Male Vulnerability Into a Hardship Competition
“One of the things that women right now get really, really wrong because the culture is jamming it down their throats, is that anytime a man says anything about what's difficult for him, that it turns into a pissing match between the two of them of, do you know…”
Insight
Sexton: Marriage is an illusion of security, not real protection
“Marriage is a symbol. That's all it is. It's a symbol. We've decided we're gonna create this legal connection or spiritual connection that's gonna symbolize this way of keeping the relationship safe. It's an illusion. It's not real.”
Insight
Sexton: Men ask if cheater had sex; women ask if they're in love
“The thing that's interesting to me, and I've talked about before, and I talk about my book, is the question when people are confronted about adultery. Because the man's first question is, did you have sex with him? And the woman's first question is, do you lov…”
Insight
Sexton advises using affection instead of criticism to modify a spouse's behavior
“Praising the behavior that you're trying to facilitate is the way to do it. And in marriage, that's incredibly easy. It's incredibly easy because you have all these levers. You have affection, sex, romance, You know, you have all of these things that you can w…”
Insight
Sexton: Spousal love is loaned rather than permanently gifted
“But really, like, love is loaned. Like, your husband's love is loaned to you, and your love is loaned to him. It's not permanently gifted. And your marriage will end. Every marriage ends. It ends in death or divorce.”
Insight
Sexton: Infidelity Is a Symptom of Emotional Disconnection
“Infidelity is a symptom. Of the problem. The problem is almost always the same. Disconnection. Disconnection from self, and then disconnection from the other person. Because the two biggest problems are, we don't know what we want, and we don't know how to exp…”
Insight
Sexton: 'Happy wife, happy life' is a terrible recipe for marriage
“It's a terrible line that everybody says at the wedding, like the uncle who says it at the wedding, I should pay him a dividend. He's like, hey, he made a lot of money for me. But it really is. I mean, if anything, it should be happy spouse, happy house. But e…”
Insight
Sexton: Instagram functions as an infidelity generating machine
“If we were going to invent an infidelity generating machine, it would be called Instagram.”
Insight
Sexton: Sex is the essential glue in marriages
“And sex, I think, is the glue. In marriages. Otherwise just be roommates.”
Insight
Sexton: Deriving 90% of sexual outlet from screens harms marriages
“If like 90% of your sexual outlet is women on a screen you will never meet and not your primary sexual partner, you're gonna have issues with that.”
Insight
Sexton: People Lie to Therapists but Not to Divorce Lawyers
“Like people lie to their therapists all the time. They don't lie to their divorce lawyer. Like there's absolutely no profit in lying to your divorce lawyer.”
Insight
Sexton: Lowering divorce rates requires creating barriers to entry for marriage
“If you actually want to change the divorce rate, we have to create barriers to entry.”
Insight
Sexton: Husbands' Fascination with Nannies Stems From Pre-Child Marital Dynamics
“The nanny, in some ways, represents a lot of the aspects of the wife before you guys had kids. She has a life outside the home. She, you know, has interests outside the home. She is still something of a mystery to you, and you're a mystery to her.”
Insight
Sexton: Impending divorce sounds like contemptuous tone, not argument content
“I've always said like, to me, the sound of a marriage that's about to end is, is like, it's a very simple, subtle sound. It's this, it's what? Huh? Yeah, whatever. Like, it's a tone of voice more than a content. And the tone of voice says everything. It's like…”
Insight
Sexton: Couples should do a weekly three-part feedback check-in
“Why wouldn't we, as an exercise, together, if we're in a relationship, why wouldn't we, once a week, tell me three things I did this week that made you feel loved. Tell me three things I did this week that I could have done better. Tell me three things I did t…”
Insight
Sexton: Breakups happen like bankruptcy, slowly then all at once
“Well, they happen, I think they happen like bankruptcies happen, very slowly and then all at once. Like, I think it's very gradual, like falling feels like flying for a little while, you know, and then you hit the ground.”
Insight
Sexton: Having Children Causes Disconnection That Later Drives Divorce
“I think it's an impetus for the disconnection that is the impetus for divorce.”
Insight
Sexton: Marital infidelity and dishonesty are symptoms of disconnection, not root causes
“I tend to think that I look at the infidelity, the financial impropriety, the dishonesty, all as the symptoms of the underlying illness, and the illness is the disconnection.”
Insight
Sexton: Masterclass cross-examination traps witnesses using their own stated principles
“Good cross-examination at the highest level is getting a person to commit to a set of Principles that they think supports their argument and then snapping their neck with that.”
