The Ledger
Every statement that passed quotation and attribution checks. Mix any filter with any other: certainty 1/5, debate potential 5/5, or both at once.
why aren't all 35 resolved? a statement only gets an assessment when the public record can support or contradict it. opinions and what-ifs never can, and 0 checkable ones are still open, waiting for their date. predictions held up or didn't; assertions are supported or contradicted. on every card: ▮▮▮▮▮ certainty · ▮▮▮▮▮ debate potential. speakers are clickable
Sexton: Marriage licenses should require one hour with a divorce lawyer
“Everyone has to spend one hour with a divorce lawyer before they can get a marriage license. That seems very fair to me. Like, it seems like something that would be useful for people, because at least that way, they'll know, take this thing seriously. And I kn…”
Sexton: Monogamy is an economic trade of freedom for companionship and sex
“I've always said in relationship, like, if you're gonna rob me of solitude, you owe me companionship. If I'm gonna trade having sex with lots of women For having sex with you regularly. Then that's the deal. Like that's the economy that we've agreed to.”
Sexton: Infidelity plays a role in 70% to 80% of divorces
“I would be speculating, because it's hard to measure those things. I would say close to 70 to 80%. Where there's some, where infidelity played some part, in some degree.”
Sexton: Getting married is legally negligent with a 53% divorce rate
“So I could make a pretty easy legal argument with the divorce rate about 53%. That it is definitely negligent, possibly reckless to get married.”
Sexton: 60% to 70% of marriages end in divorce or unhappy coexistence
“You know, 50% or so of marriages end catastrophically, meaning they divorce. Another 10 to 20% either separate but never file for divorce, go out for milk and never come back, or they just sort of unhappily stay together and under surveys basically say, yeah, …”
Sexton: Culture Turns Male Vulnerability Into a Hardship Competition
“One of the things that women right now get really, really wrong because the culture is jamming it down their throats, is that anytime a man says anything about what's difficult for him, that it turns into a pissing match between the two of them of, do you know…”
Sexton: Marriage is an illusion of security, not real protection
“Marriage is a symbol. That's all it is. It's a symbol. We've decided we're gonna create this legal connection or spiritual connection that's gonna symbolize this way of keeping the relationship safe. It's an illusion. It's not real.”
Sexton: Men ask if cheater had sex; women ask if they're in love
“The thing that's interesting to me, and I've talked about before, and I talk about my book, is the question when people are confronted about adultery. Because the man's first question is, did you have sex with him? And the woman's first question is, do you lov…”
Sexton advises using affection instead of criticism to modify a spouse's behavior
“Praising the behavior that you're trying to facilitate is the way to do it. And in marriage, that's incredibly easy. It's incredibly easy because you have all these levers. You have affection, sex, romance, You know, you have all of these things that you can w…”
Sexton: Spousal love is loaned rather than permanently gifted
“But really, like, love is loaned. Like, your husband's love is loaned to you, and your love is loaned to him. It's not permanently gifted. And your marriage will end. Every marriage ends. It ends in death or divorce.”
Sexton: Infidelity Is a Symptom of Emotional Disconnection
“Infidelity is a symptom. Of the problem. The problem is almost always the same. Disconnection. Disconnection from self, and then disconnection from the other person. Because the two biggest problems are, we don't know what we want, and we don't know how to exp…”
Sexton: 'Happy wife, happy life' is a terrible recipe for marriage
“It's a terrible line that everybody says at the wedding, like the uncle who says it at the wedding, I should pay him a dividend. He's like, hey, he made a lot of money for me. But it really is. I mean, if anything, it should be happy spouse, happy house. But e…”
Sexton: Instagram functions as an infidelity generating machine
“If we were going to invent an infidelity generating machine, it would be called Instagram.”
Sexton: Sex is the essential glue in marriages
“And sex, I think, is the glue. In marriages. Otherwise just be roommates.”
Sexton: Deriving 90% of sexual outlet from screens harms marriages
“If like 90% of your sexual outlet is women on a screen you will never meet and not your primary sexual partner, you're gonna have issues with that.”
Sexton: People Lie to Therapists but Not to Divorce Lawyers
“Like people lie to their therapists all the time. They don't lie to their divorce lawyer. Like there's absolutely no profit in lying to your divorce lawyer.”
Sexton: Lowering divorce rates requires creating barriers to entry for marriage
“If you actually want to change the divorce rate, we have to create barriers to entry.”
Sexton: Husbands' Fascination with Nannies Stems From Pre-Child Marital Dynamics
“The nanny, in some ways, represents a lot of the aspects of the wife before you guys had kids. She has a life outside the home. She, you know, has interests outside the home. She is still something of a mystery to you, and you're a mystery to her.”
Sexton: Impending divorce sounds like contemptuous tone, not argument content
“I've always said like, to me, the sound of a marriage that's about to end is, is like, it's a very simple, subtle sound. It's this, it's what? Huh? Yeah, whatever. Like, it's a tone of voice more than a content. And the tone of voice says everything. It's like…”
Sexton: Couples should do a weekly three-part feedback check-in
“Why wouldn't we, as an exercise, together, if we're in a relationship, why wouldn't we, once a week, tell me three things I did this week that made you feel loved. Tell me three things I did this week that I could have done better. Tell me three things I did t…”
Sexton: Breakups happen like bankruptcy, slowly then all at once
“Well, they happen, I think they happen like bankruptcies happen, very slowly and then all at once. Like, I think it's very gradual, like falling feels like flying for a little while, you know, and then you hit the ground.”
Sexton: Having Children Causes Disconnection That Later Drives Divorce
“I think it's an impetus for the disconnection that is the impetus for divorce.”
Sexton: Marital infidelity and dishonesty are symptoms of disconnection, not root causes
“I tend to think that I look at the infidelity, the financial impropriety, the dishonesty, all as the symptoms of the underlying illness, and the illness is the disconnection.”
Sexton: Masterclass cross-examination traps witnesses using their own stated principles
“Good cross-examination at the highest level is getting a person to commit to a set of Principles that they think supports their argument and then snapping their neck with that.”
Sexton: Experienced trial lawyers are hired for knowing judicial proclivities
“That's a lot of what you're doing when you hire experienced counselors. You're hiring someone who kind of knows the proclivities of the judge.”
Sexton: 86% of people remarry within five years of divorce
“86% of people remarry within five years of their divorce.”
Sexton: Failing marriages are signaled by missing positive reinforcement, not open conflict
“So I think a lot of what I would say are the red flags that a relationship is not likely to continue successfully are an absence of things rather than a presence, right? So like one of the things that's present in almost all the happy couples I know is this se…”
Sexton: Relationships collapse like bankruptcies—very slowly, then all at once
“People's relationships fall apart the way people go bankrupt. Very slowly, and then all at once. And that's, and how companies fail. Very slowly, and then all at once. And relationships, the same thing. It's like very slowly, and then you just go right off the…”
Divorce law resists scaling because clients demand their specific attorney, says Sexton
“I cannot, there's only a certain number of hours in the day I can bill. And there's only so many, like, I'd have a bunch of lawyers working for me, but they're not me. So people eventually would go where's Jim? I hired him. Like, if I'm going, oh, no, no, I'm …”
Sexton: Every married couple has either a personal or state-written prenup
“Everybody has a prenup. It's either one that the government wrote, or it's one that you and the person that you've decided you like, other than the eight billion other options.”
Sexton: Most divorce attorneys charge a $15,000 retainer to draft prenups
“To put that in perspective, the retainer most divorce lawyers take for drafting a prenup is 15,000 dollars.”
New York Magazine called Sexton the sociopath you want on your side
“Like I was described by New York Magazine as the sociopath you want on your side.”
Sexton: Ex-husband and husband require completely different skill sets
“The skill set for an ex-husband, the resume for an ex-husband, totally different than for a husband.”