Heen: The identity traits people value most dictate their hardest conversations
Sheila Heen · #57 Sheila Heen: Decoding Difficult Conversations · May 15, 2019 · at 1:09:32
Sheila Heen, negotiation lecturer at Harvard Law School, discusses internal self-judgment and communication barriers with Shane Parrish.
0:00 / 0:11exact quote · 11.2s
720p mp4 · rendered on demand · StarZero watermark
“Whatever those sort of characteristics that you hold most tightly are, they are sometimes also a key to the kinds of conversations that are hardest for you. Because you let yourself down and you're disappointed in yourself.”
quote is from the automated transcript, cleaned for reading: filler sounds and stutters are removed, nothing is rephrased. names can be misheard (the analysis reads context, assessments check outside sources). how →
More from Sheila Heen
Heen: The Optimal Positive-to-Negative Interaction Ratio in Relationships Is 5:1
“The optimum is, what is it, five to one? Five to one, positive interactions to negative interactions, and it's not better to have a bigger ratio of positive and negative, like 10 to one is not better because of what you're describing. If it's 10 positive inter…”
Heen: Purely objective decision-making does not exist
“Objective decision-making does not exist, actually, and that feelings are actually really important information, right?”
Heen: Two-Thirds of Marital Conflicts Are Perpetual and Unsolvable Differences
“About two-thirds of what you fight about are not solvable. They just reflect differences between you.”
Heen: Negative Responses in Relationships Are Better Than Total Non-Responses
“The other thing I find interesting is a negative response is actually better than no response.”
Heen: Teaching is fundamentally a negotiation for engagement and risk-taking
“Teaching itself is a negotiation. You are negotiating for people's engagement and willingness to take risks and to admit mistakes and to see what they have to learn”
Heen: Early negotiation habits deepen strengths without broadening adult skill sets
“All of us have been negotiating since we were kids, so everybody's an experienced negotiator, but you're not necessarily a good negotiator because you'll tend to just repeat the strategies that are successful for you, even into adulthood, right? And so your st…”