Insight
Duhigg: Anchoring tactics do not trick people into acting against self-interest
“The truth is, oftentimes in today's world, we try and look at things like anchoring as this magical thing that if I just anchor at the right place, I'm going to get you to do something that's not in your own self-interest, but is in my interest. That never act…”
Insight
Duhigg: The 'matching principle' requires aligning conversation types to connect
“And this has become known since then as the matching principle in neuroscience and psychology, that you have to have the same conversation at the same moment in order to connect with each other.”
Insight
Duhigg: Supercommunication is a learned skill that anyone can acquire
“Oh, you absolutely can learn it. It's a learned skill. We know this from experiment after experiment, much like reading. Anyone can learn to read, and anyone can learn to be a super communicator.”
Insight
Duhigg: 'Looping for understanding' is the best way to resolve conflict
“In a conflict, there's a method known as looping for understanding that's incredibly powerful. Study after study has shown that it's the best way to resolve a conflict. It has these three steps. Step one is you ask a question, preferably a deep question. Step …”
Insight
Duhigg: Constructive Identity Discussions Must Acknowledge Multiple Social Roles
“The right way to have these social conversations is to not avoid the fact that Jim is black and that he probably has different experiences than the rest of us. But rather to acknowledge that all of us contain many, many social identities.”
Insight
Duhigg: Problem-solving often ignores people's true conversational needs
“Oftentimes, someone comes to us with a problem, and instead of listening to their mindset, instead of listening to what conversation they're having with us, we try and solve their problem, or we try and make it better, or we try and cheer them up. And that's n…”
Insight
Duhigg: Emotional intelligence is showing a genuine desire to connect
“What matters is, do you want to connect with the other person? And do you show them that you want to connect with them? That's what emotional intelligence is, is wanting to connect and showing the person that you want to connect.”
Insight
Duhigg: Three specific acknowledgments drive 90% of psychological safety
“When we do that, when we do these three things, acknowledge it's going to be uncomfortable, acknowledge we're going to make mistakes, acknowledge that everyone belongs at this table, we've oftentimes gotten 90% to the goal of making it safe to have this conver…”
Insight
Duhigg: Persuasion Fails Without First Establishing Basic Communication
“Persuasion is a secondary tactic to communication, and unless you get the basic of communication down right, the persuasion is probably not going to work.”
Insight
Duhigg: Prioritizing Mutual Understanding Over Selling Makes Pitches More Successful
“So I think the idea is if we go in and as our primary goal, say, I just, I really want to understand how you see the world and I want to help you understand how I see the world. And the secondary concern is persuasion. The secondary concern is winning the conv…”
Insight
Duhigg: Managers often misdiagnose emotional client conversations as purely practical
“Many managers treat the conversation with clients as if it's a practical conversation. Here's five solutions to the problem that you have. But for the client, and you know this better than I do, For the client, it's often an emotional conversation.”
Insight
Duhigg: Managers should separate delivering critical feedback from discussing it
“Oftentimes when we're doing a performance review, we think that we want to have a conversation, but we actually don't. We want to say, look, here are some problems with your performance. Here's some stuff that you need to work on, but we're not looking for the…”
Assertion Supported
Duhigg: Supercommunicators ask 10 to 20 times more questions than average
“People who are consistent super communicators, they tend to ask 10 to 20 times as many questions as the average person”
Insight
Duhigg: Treating conversations like interviews feels like an interrogation
“And if you try and interview someone in a conversation, it can feel like an interrogation. It doesn't feel good.”
Insight
Duhigg: Phone callers subconsciously over-enunciate and add vocal emotion to compensate
“When you're on a phone, you tend to over enunciate your words a little bit. Because you almost subconsciously realize that the other person can't see your expressions, you put more emotion in your voice. We do this automatically without even thinking about it.”
Assertion Not checkable as stated
Duhigg: I was the lowest-paid working graduate in my HBS class
“When I graduated from HBS, I was the lowest paid member of my class that was working for the first six years.”
Insight
Duhigg: Conversational reciprocation means expanding the other person's spotlight, not self-centering
“I think the right way to think about it is, are you trying to expand the spotlight on this person or are you trying to steal the spotlight for yourself? Reciprocation doesn't always mean talking about yourself.”
Charles Duhigg