James Sexton
Managing Partner & Founder, Law Offices of James J. Sexton. On 1 show, 2 appearances. The Shows tab opens the full record on each.
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James Sexton is a prominent New York divorce and family law attorney with over two decades of trial experience handling thousands of contentious matrimonial cases. He studies relationship patterns and provides insights into marital conflicts and divorce.
1shows
2appearances
35statements
5resolved
1supported
3contradicted
20%fully supported
3said about them ↓ Everything James Sexton said on any show that made the record, most notable first. Each card names its show and opens the statement there.
Sexton: Marriage licenses should require one hour with a divorce lawyer
“Everyone has to spend one hour with a divorce lawyer before they can get a marriage license. That seems very fair to me. Like, it seems like something that would be useful for people, because at least that way, they'll know, take this thing seriously. And I kn…”
Sexton: Monogamy is an economic trade of freedom for companionship and sex
“I've always said in relationship, like, if you're gonna rob me of solitude, you owe me companionship. If I'm gonna trade having sex with lots of women For having sex with you regularly. Then that's the deal. Like that's the economy that we've agreed to.”
Sexton: Infidelity plays a role in 70% to 80% of divorces
“I would be speculating, because it's hard to measure those things. I would say close to 70 to 80%. Where there's some, where infidelity played some part, in some degree.”
Sexton: Getting married is legally negligent with a 53% divorce rate
“So I could make a pretty easy legal argument with the divorce rate about 53%. That it is definitely negligent, possibly reckless to get married.”
Sexton: 60% to 70% of marriages end in divorce or unhappy coexistence
“You know, 50% or so of marriages end catastrophically, meaning they divorce. Another 10 to 20% either separate but never file for divorce, go out for milk and never come back, or they just sort of unhappily stay together and under surveys basically say, yeah, …”
Sexton: Culture Turns Male Vulnerability Into a Hardship Competition
“One of the things that women right now get really, really wrong because the culture is jamming it down their throats, is that anytime a man says anything about what's difficult for him, that it turns into a pissing match between the two of them of, do you know…”
Sexton: Marriage is an illusion of security, not real protection
“Marriage is a symbol. That's all it is. It's a symbol. We've decided we're gonna create this legal connection or spiritual connection that's gonna symbolize this way of keeping the relationship safe. It's an illusion. It's not real.”
Sexton: Men ask if cheater had sex; women ask if they're in love
“The thing that's interesting to me, and I've talked about before, and I talk about my book, is the question when people are confronted about adultery. Because the man's first question is, did you have sex with him? And the woman's first question is, do you lov…”
Sexton advises using affection instead of criticism to modify a spouse's behavior
“Praising the behavior that you're trying to facilitate is the way to do it. And in marriage, that's incredibly easy. It's incredibly easy because you have all these levers. You have affection, sex, romance, You know, you have all of these things that you can w…”
Sexton: Spousal love is loaned rather than permanently gifted
“But really, like, love is loaned. Like, your husband's love is loaned to you, and your love is loaned to him. It's not permanently gifted. And your marriage will end. Every marriage ends. It ends in death or divorce.”
Sexton: Infidelity Is a Symptom of Emotional Disconnection
“Infidelity is a symptom. Of the problem. The problem is almost always the same. Disconnection. Disconnection from self, and then disconnection from the other person. Because the two biggest problems are, we don't know what we want, and we don't know how to exp…”
Sexton: 'Happy wife, happy life' is a terrible recipe for marriage
“It's a terrible line that everybody says at the wedding, like the uncle who says it at the wedding, I should pay him a dividend. He's like, hey, he made a lot of money for me. But it really is. I mean, if anything, it should be happy spouse, happy house. But e…”
Sexton: Instagram functions as an infidelity generating machine
“If we were going to invent an infidelity generating machine, it would be called Instagram.”
Sexton: Sex is the essential glue in marriages
“And sex, I think, is the glue. In marriages. Otherwise just be roommates.”
Sexton: Deriving 90% of sexual outlet from screens harms marriages
“If like 90% of your sexual outlet is women on a screen you will never meet and not your primary sexual partner, you're gonna have issues with that.”
Sexton: People Lie to Therapists but Not to Divorce Lawyers
“Like people lie to their therapists all the time. They don't lie to their divorce lawyer. Like there's absolutely no profit in lying to your divorce lawyer.”
Sexton: Lowering divorce rates requires creating barriers to entry for marriage
“If you actually want to change the divorce rate, we have to create barriers to entry.”
Sexton: Husbands' Fascination with Nannies Stems From Pre-Child Marital Dynamics
“The nanny, in some ways, represents a lot of the aspects of the wife before you guys had kids. She has a life outside the home. She, you know, has interests outside the home. She is still something of a mystery to you, and you're a mystery to her.”
Sexton: Impending divorce sounds like contemptuous tone, not argument content
“I've always said like, to me, the sound of a marriage that's about to end is, is like, it's a very simple, subtle sound. It's this, it's what? Huh? Yeah, whatever. Like, it's a tone of voice more than a content. And the tone of voice says everything. It's like…”
Sexton: Couples should do a weekly three-part feedback check-in
“Why wouldn't we, as an exercise, together, if we're in a relationship, why wouldn't we, once a week, tell me three things I did this week that made you feel loved. Tell me three things I did this week that I could have done better. Tell me three things I did t…”
Sexton: Breakups happen like bankruptcy, slowly then all at once
“Well, they happen, I think they happen like bankruptcies happen, very slowly and then all at once. Like, I think it's very gradual, like falling feels like flying for a little while, you know, and then you hit the ground.”
Sexton: Having Children Causes Disconnection That Later Drives Divorce
“I think it's an impetus for the disconnection that is the impetus for divorce.”
Sexton: Marital infidelity and dishonesty are symptoms of disconnection, not root causes
“I tend to think that I look at the infidelity, the financial impropriety, the dishonesty, all as the symptoms of the underlying illness, and the illness is the disconnection.”
The other half of the tape: James Sexton's own voice is left out of every number here. Other people bring the name up 3 times in 1 episode across the shows. every mention, with the transcript →
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One line per show, most statements first. The link opens James's full record on that show: the calibration, argument clarity, speaking style and every statement made there.
| Show | Role there | Eps | Statements | Record | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| BIGDEALLEDGER | Managing Partner & Founder, Law Offices of James J. Sexton | 2 | 35 | 20% 1/5 | full record on BigDeal → |