Carole Robin
Co-Founder, Leaders in Tech. On 1 show, 1 appearance. The Shows tab opens the full record on each.
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For over 17 years, Dr. Carole Robin taught the famed "Interpersonal Dynamics" course at the Stanford Graduate School of Business before co-founding the nonprofit Leaders in Tech to teach relational leadership to startup executives. She also co-authored the bestselling book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues alongside David Bradford.
Everything Carole Robin said on any show that made the record, most notable first. Each card names its show and opens the statement there.
Robin: Greater self-disclosure gives leaders more control over their own narratives
“In the absence of data, people make shit up. So if you don't want people to make shit up about you, you're better off disclosing more because then you'll have more control over your self-definition, not less.”
Robin: Employees abandon emotionless, robotic leaders once alternatives exist
“They're going to follow you for a while because you've got a really great idea, and the minute they've got another choice, man, they are out of there.”
Robin: Anger creates distance while expressing underlying hurt connects
“Anger is a distancing emotion. Whereas hurt, fear, sadness, loneliness, happiness, joy are all connecting emotions.”
Robin: All feedback is positive because more data is always better
“All feedback is data. So all feedback is positive. Data, more data is always better than less data.”
Robin: People can change their behavior, but not their personality
“We are all capable of changing our behavior. We cannot change our personality. We are born wired with personalities.”
Robin: Interpersonal competence determines professional and personal success
“People do business with people, not ideas, not products, not machines, not tactics strategies, not even money. They do business with people. So you better get the people part right if you really want to succeed. And that, that interpersonal competence is a det…”
Robin: Referent power drives deeper employee commitment than vision or money alone
“If you want to build a sustainable long-term legacy, then you probably want to think about Showing up in a way that other people come to see you as a referent figure. Somebody in their life that they say, you know, when I grow up, I want to be more like that. …”
Robin: Vulnerability and interpersonal disclosure are reciprocal
“And vulnerability and disclosure tend to be reciprocal. If I hold my cards really close, you're going to hold your cards even closer.”
Robin: Leaders lose more credibility ignoring mistakes than admitting them
“You can start admitting mistakes, especially when everybody knows you made one. You actually lose a lot more credibility by ignoring it.”
Robin: Leaders Must Update Mental Models to Inspire Teams
“If a leader doesn't show up with a willingness to update their mental models and their beliefs, they're certainly not going to inspire anybody else to do.”
Robin: Calibrate Vulnerability Incrementally Like a Dial, Not a Switch
“I have a colleague who often says, we have to think about these things as dials, not switches. It's not an all or not. I don't tell you everything or nothing. I don't share every single feeling I've got, or none. It's a dial, and you know, you move it at a 15%…”
Robin: Poor Delivery, Not Feedback Itself, Damages Relationships
“And it does not mean feedback ruins relationships. It means feedback the way you've always seen it done or done it ruins relationships.”
Robin: Address minor irritations early before they become major crunches
“And by the way, address it while it's still small. And then it won't get big. That's why we call it, you know, talk about a pinch before it becomes a crunch, and then it becomes a much bigger deal.”
Robin: Saying 'I feel that' imputes motives and triggers defensiveness
“And I feel that you don't care, and I feel you're being insensitive are not feelings. They're attributions and imputed motives, and that's where we make our biggest mistakes when it comes to feedback. And what that does is it makes the other person defensive.”
Robin: Constructive feedback should solve mutual behaviors, not change people
“That is the purpose of feedback. When it's constructive feedback, move into a problem solving conversation. Don't change the other person. Move into behaviors that will work better for both of you.”
Robin: Unresolved interpersonal friction distorts task and performance feedback
“What we're talking about is interpersonal feedback. And the reason it's so important is that if you don't take care of that, then that other kind of feedback becomes unresolved. When you leave the interpersonal stuff unresolved, then the other feedback doesn't…”
Robin: Avoid asking 'why' or yes-or-no questions to reduce defensiveness
“Questions that, that can be answered with yes or no are typically limiting questions and aren't going to be very productive. Questions that start with why, why did you do that, are going to make me defensive.”
Robin: Ask 'what did you hear me say?' to repair misunderstandings
“One of the most powerful things you can do when somebody responds in a way that feels very unexpected and out of whack with what you just said is go back to, what did you hear me say? Because nine times out of 10, what they heard is not what you said.”
Robin: Giving advice widens power differentials and disempowers team members
“The other thing about advice is that it creates even bigger power differentials between people. So if you're the leader or you're in the higher power position to start with, Then giving me advice is only going to make me feel even lower power as opposed to, we…”
Robin: Immediate advice usually targets the wrong underlying issue
“Because by the way, nine times out of 10, you end up giving advice on something that's not really what the person was worried about or wondering about.”
Robin: Every behavior stems from a choice driven by an underlying belief
“Every behavior has in front of it a choice if we stop long enough to become aware of it. And in front of every choice, there's some belief.”
Robin: Leaders must not make their organizations dependent on them
“The worst thing a leader can do is make an organization too dependent on them. If you care about building a sustainable long-term organization and a legacy, then it behooves you not to make the organization very dependent on you.”
Robin: Having thousands of Facebook friends does not constitute real relationships
“And by the way, contact, no connection, those are thousands of Facebook friends. That is, those are not relationships. And those are not friends in my vocabulary.”
The other half of the tape: Carole Robin's own voice is left out of every number here. Other people bring the name up 8 times in 4 episodes across the shows. every mention, with the transcript →
Who brings them up most Lenny Rachitsky 5Jules Walter 3
Every mention by year
tap a year for its mentions
Lenny's Podcast 8
2025 4 mentions in 2 episodes 2 per episode
2024 1 mention in 1 episode
2023 3 mentions in 1 episode
One line per show, most statements first. The link opens Carole's full record on that show: the calibration, argument clarity, speaking style and every statement made there.
| Show | Role there | Eps | Statements | Record | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| LENNY'S PODCASTLEDGER | Co-Founder, Leaders in Tech | 1 | 25 | — | full record on Lenny's Podcast → |