The Wisdom Wall

“Getting to yes is intellectually sound. There's nothing intellectually to be challenged on getting to yes. And unfortunately, that does you no good as soon as you involve human beings because none of us are intellectually sound.”

“an intellectually brilliant idea in practice, a horrible idea... Here's, here's the problem with Batman. That becomes your goal, and so therefore, if you say to yourself, and the vast majority of people who calculate their BATNA, you know, as long as I do better than my worst alternative, as soon as I get past that,…”

“You know, seek first to understand, then be understood is a mercenary's tool. I mean, if you want to get to an out, if you want to get to your outcome faster, Let the other side go first. It'll take a lot less time. Uh, you don't waste time spinning your wheels, or you don't waste time arguing, or you don't waste time…”

“fear gets in the way of deals anyway from three to nine times more than benefits make deals.”

“You don't use empathy because you're a missionary, because you're soft touch. Use empathy because you want to get stuff done faster, and you've got other stuff to do to get after.”

“Everybody's driven by loss. You know, our, our sociopaths, which there's no shortage of them functioning in the business world. They're self-interested. They have desires. They're driven by loss, loss aversion. There's no getting around that.”

“Intentionally getting people to say no, um, that, that rewarding all your yes oriented questions into no oriented questions and said, would you like to do this? Say, are you against this? That's an insane success rate.”

“And that's what happens with compromise. You get, you know, you, you put half measures in, and it destroys everybody's idea instead of finding out what's, what's the best course of action.”

“If you can substitute the word predict for trust or predictable for trust, then put you in a much more rational frame of mind and you, and you can see things easier and then you can make better decisions.”

“If I'm really focused on what emotions are driving you, there's an instant compartmentalization that takes place where my negativity is no longer going to get in my way. I mean, just, in, in, uh, genuine curiosity is a hack for emotional control.”

“If you, if you're, if you believe you have to have a BATNA to negotiate, Then you've immediately taken yourself hostage, and you're done. You say, oh my god, the other side has all the leverage and the power. I've got no, I've got no legitimate BATNA. You know, we're hostages here. You take yourself hostage. If you…”

“in, in practice, that interferes with collaboration if you anchor high. It's, it's basically a, it's starting out by not telling a truth, um, it's defining it as a win-lose scenario, um, And it's also taken, it's taken a risk of leaving a tremendous amount of money on the table.”

“You've got to get rid of the negative before you can go to the positive. Sometimes the negative getting rid of it will be so powerful that you don't even have to pitch the positive because the other side's going to go ahead and pitch it for you.”

“people aren't afraid to fail. They're afraid to fail in a new way. So you never get fired for hiring IBM is like, if we hire IBM and we fail, it's already been demonstrated to be a socially acceptable outcome.”

“And so deference is this great tool for 360 degrees of influence. If someone is, perceives themselves to be superior to you, and you're deferential to them, they love it because they think that they, they, they're entitled to it, so it makes them very happy. If you're on a peer level with them, and you're deaf, you…”

“Um, so, um, the, the labels, the labels across the board probably raises everybody's effectiveness no less than 30 to 33%.”

“There's nothing wrong with having a tiger by the tail, as long as you know you got a tiger by the tail.”

“real good negotiation is real good emotional intelligence, and I like taking a deep dive into people and connecting with them.”

“your success rate in anything is higher as soon as you sort of forget about failing and focus on learning”

“cause negotiation skills are perishable and you don't know they, they wrote invisibly.”

“If you talk out loud in a soothing, calming voice, that voice comes out of your mouth, it goes through the air, comes back into your ear, it hits your mirror neurons, it calms you down.”

“If you think of yourself as a direct and honest person, And you're just trying to get your point across. You're so blunt that it obscures your message.”

“The real, the real issue with any deal is implementation. It's not agreement. Yes is nothing without how. I can, I can give you fake yeses all day long, and you're never going to get what you wanted.”

“she starts a conversation by saying, I've got a lousy proposition for you, which is enormously disarming.”

“make a list of the stuff you want to deny. And instead of denying it, cause denying things makes it worse. Just pull it out, you know, and say, look, you know, I know that my, my industry has a reputation for being fast talking salesman.”

“If I ask you a question, it has a tendency to get you to stop and think and contemplate and formulate an answer. If I just use a label, it seems like you've got something on your mind. There's something about that that instead of you formulating an answer, it tends to just remove a barrier, and I tap directly into your…”

“any negative that's there, ignoring it is leaving a landmine, but calling it out gives you your best chance at eliminating it as an issue. Whether you're an unknown startup or whether or not you got a strong competitor.”

“The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in. Um, so first of all, anytime the word yes is in your, is in the air, somebody's trying to get a yes out of somebody or something, you're in a negotiation. Or if, uh, if I want is in your brain, uh, you're in a negotiation.”

“The commodity that's in each and every negotiation is time, not price, not money. Dollars are not, dollars are not always involved, but time always is.”

“never be mean to somebody who could hurt you by doing nothing. So the reality is that's probably true of everybody you interact with because you're interacting with them because you want them to do something.”

“We found out the labels were the most universally applicable skill of all the tools.”

“Teenagers have learned that once a parent says no, they're probably actually more persuadable. Because the act of saying no makes people feel safe.”

“Well, flow is where you're padding recognition and your decision making is at its peak. Your mental endurance increases and your overall performance is much better.”

“Don't laugh because you're in a good mood. Force a laugh, and you'll actually feel better chemically. You'll trigger a chemical change.”

“So I'd tell my younger self, Just be nicer. Don't, don't change any of your positions. Don't go in any other directions. Just be nicer about it. You get a lot farther.”

“new ideas is such a threat to their self concept. They're horrified that maybe they were doing it wrong”

“I think everybody's got two lines of code, somewhere deep down inside. Somebody said something to everybody when we were little kids, that was like our two line of, two lines of magic code in there, and figuring out what that code is, those two lines, is what really drives the direction that people go”

“But the mirror actually gets them to rearticulate it again with slightly different words.”