Voss: Deference creates 360-degree influence across superiors, peers, and subordinates
Chris Voss · #27 Chris Voss: The Art of Letting Other People Have Your Way · Jan 3, 2018 · at 50:23
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss explains to Shane Parrish why adopting a deferential posture strategically disarms counterparts across all organizational levels.
0:00 / 0:41exact quote · 41.8s
720p mp4 · rendered on demand · StarZero watermark
“And so deference is this great tool for 360 degrees of influence. If someone is, perceives themselves to be superior to you, and you're deferential to them, they love it because they think that they, they're entitled to it, so it makes them very happy. If you're on a peer level with them, and you're deaf, you treat them with deference, They love it because you didn't have to, and they felt tremendous respect and appreciation for it. If you're subordinate to them in any way, and you're deferential to how they feel, they love it even more, and they're wonderfully appreciative of it, because you didn't have to do it, and they see you as being a very generous, gracious, and nurturing person. So deference kind of works on everybody”
quote is from the automated transcript, cleaned for reading: filler sounds and stutters are removed, nothing is rephrased. names can be misheard (the analysis reads context, assessments check outside sources). how →
More from Chris Voss
Chris Voss: 'Getting to Yes' fails because humans make decisions emotionally
“Getting to yes is intellectually sound. There's nothing intellectually to be challenged on getting to yes. And unfortunately, that does you no good as soon as you involve human beings because none of us are intellectually sound.”
Chris Voss: BATNA is a horrible negotiation strategy that leaves money on the table
“An intellectually brilliant idea in practice, a horrible idea... Here's, here's the problem with Batman. That becomes your goal, and so therefore, if you say to yourself, and the vast majority of people who calculate their BATNA, you know, as long as I do bett…”
Voss: Letting the other side speak first speeds up negotiations
“You know, seek first to understand, then be understood is a mercenary's tool. I mean, if you want to get to an out, if you want to get to your outcome faster, Let the other side go first. It'll take a lot less time. You don't waste time spinning your wheels, o…”
Voss: Fear impedes deals 3x to 9x more than benefits create them
“Fear gets in the way of deals anyway from three to nine times more than benefits make deals.”
Chris Voss: Tactical empathy is a tool to save time in negotiation
“You don't use empathy because you're a missionary, because you're soft touch. Use empathy because you want to get stuff done faster, and you've got other stuff to do to get after.”
Chris Voss: Every negotiator, including business sociopaths, is driven by loss aversion
“Everybody's driven by loss. You know, our sociopaths, which there's no shortage of them functioning in the business world. They're self-interested. They have desires. They're driven by loss, loss aversion. There's no getting around that.”