Perel: The core relationship conflict is negotiating autonomy versus togetherness
Esther Perel · #71 Esther Perel: Cultivating Desire · Dec 10, 2019 · at 28:06
Psychotherapist Esther Perel details the foundational questions around boundaries, money, and personal freedom that define relationship dynamics.
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“You know, I think one of the big conversations that accompanies every relationship is about closeness and separateness. What is together, and what is individualistic, or what individual, you know. How much money do you get to spend alone? And how much money, you know, is involved that you start to have a conversation with the other? Do you travel alone or only together? Do you go to bed together every night? Or can you go to sleep when you're actually tired without having to become a unison? You know, do you know, do you want, how do you want to parent? How do you envision family life? How do you see your relationship to the extended family? What are the boundaries with the grandparents or with your in-laws? What do you do with your exes, or with your deep friendships with other people? Do you continue them? Do you maintain them? Can you maintain them alone, or do they become couple friends? The issue of boundaries, of what is ours and what is mine? What do I get to still decide alone? What is my zone of freedom, and what is our zone of commitment and togetherness? I think this is probably one of the very important conversations.”
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