Psychotherapist Esther Perel discusses how romantic relationships evolve and why fundamental relational tensions emerge right from the start.
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“There is a theory that says that basically, whatever you discuss, the difficult conversations, if you want, that you discuss 20 years later, they were all there in the first two dates. People actually know their things. They know their key conversations from the first moment.”
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More from Esther Perel
Insight
Perel: Marriage was historically an economic enterprise separate from passion
“We've never looked for, you know, the word passionate marriage is a contradiction in terms. We've never looked for passion in the same place where we looked for security and anchoring and somebody with whom to pay the checks and fix the house. These two things…”
Perel: Changing personal narratives physically alters body language and movement
“It's that the story that is linked to emotions, and emotions are embodied experiences, so when people tell you a story a certain way, they also sit in a certain way that, that leads to telling that kind of story. If you change the story, the body will move dif…”
Perel: Decades-long relationship conflicts are visible on the first two dates
“You know, there is a theory that says that basically, whatever you discuss, the difficult conversations, if you want, that you discuss 20 years later, they were all there in the first two dates. People actually know their things, they know their key conversati…”
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