Jun 11, 2025 · 1h 6m · bigdeal
Get Your Sex Life Back! What Everyone Gets Wrong About Sex & Libido: Dr. Rena Malik
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In this educational episode of The Big Deal Podcast, host Codie Sanchez interviews urologist Dr. Rena Malik to debunk widespread myths surrounding sexual anatomy, orgasm disparities, and erectile dysfunction. Grounded in clinical research, Dr. Malik provides actionable guidance on responsive desire, cardiovascular wellness, open communication, and psychological presence to help individuals build fulfilling, lifelong intimacy.
How this conversation actually went
Every chapter scored 0–10 on four independent dynamics. Hover any point for the reasoning behind the score. Codie holds 28.7% of the talking time here. How this is scored →
Codie as informed peer 1.4 Guest teaching 6.0 Guest disagreement 1.1 Codie pushing back 0.1
speaking balance: gold is Codie, purple is the guest (3 minute bins)
Sharpest disagreement ▶ 21:12 Reframing porn impact away from consumption volume
Dr. Malik gently rejects the premise that frequency of porn use directly reduces sexual activity, reframing the true driver as emotional escapism and moral incongruence.
Hardest push from Codie ▶ 21:12 Sanchez pressing on whether porn directly reduces sexSanchez directly challenges Dr. Malik on whether data supports the common belief that increased porn consumption strictly decreases intimacy between partners.
Biggest teaching moment ▶ 50:20 Pelvic floor hypertonicity vs Kegel exercisesDr. Malik corrects the widespread misconception that Kegels cure all pelvic floor dysfunction, explaining that performing contractions on an already tight, hypertonic muscle exacerbates pain and pathology.
Codie holds their own ▶ 7:16 Sanchez synthesizing anatomical data into direct listener rulesSanchez translates Dr. Malik's clinical data on the 25-minute arousal window and clitoral stimulation into sharp, actionable advice for men.
the scores for every segment, with the reasoning behind each
| Chapter | Topic | Codie as informed peer | Guest teaching | Guest disagreement | Codie pushing back | Why |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Episode Preview and Core Themes | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Codie Sanchez sets up the episode theme and frames the importance of sexual health to broader happiness and societal wealth. Dr. Malik provides striking statistics on orgasms and anatomical knowledge differences. | |
| Busting Penile Size Myths and Examining Faked Orgasms | 1 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik debunks the myth that penis size dictates sexual pleasure, explaining that 85% of women require clitoral stimulation. She also surprises Sanchez by revealing that men fake orgasms too. | |
| Female Arousal Timelines and Overcoming Penetration-Centric Sex | 2 | 7 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik details the physiological mismatch between the average male time to ejaculation (5-6 minutes) and the female arousal window (25 minutes). Codie synthesizes this into clear, direct takeaways for male listeners. | |
| Navigating Female Libido, Responsive Desire, and Medical Therapies | 1 | 7 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik breaks down responsive desire versus spontaneous desire, the role of stress, testosterone decline in women, and pharmaceutical options like Addyi and Vyleesi. | |
| Erectile Dysfunction as a Critical Cardiovascular Warning Sign | 2 | 7 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik educates Sanchez on erectile dysfunction as an early cardiovascular warning sign, noting that 150 minutes of weekly cardio exercise can match the efficacy of Viagra. | |
| The Impact of Erotica and Daily Mindfulness on Sexual Function | 1 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik cites clinical research by Lori Brotto showing that 20 minutes of daily mindfulness outside the bedroom significantly enhances all domains of female sexual function. | |
| Analyzing Pornography Use, Escapism, and Relationship Dynamics | 1 | 6 | 2 | 1 | Sanchez asks whether porn consumption directly reduces sex frequency. Dr. Malik nuances the issue, explaining that moral incongruence and escapism cause harm rather than porn volume alone. | |
| Practical Strategies for Relationship Communication and Novelty | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik gives actionable advice on communication protocols and introducing novelty into long-term relationships without putting excessive pressure on performance. | |
| Deconstructing the Myth of Spontaneous Sex and Mastering Intimacy | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Sanchez critiques unrealistic tropes from romance novels. Dr. Malik reinforces that sexual competence is a learned skill that requires continuous practice and communication. | |
| Demystifying the G-Spot and Establishing Realistic Penile Norms | 1 | 7 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik clarifies that the G-spot is an anatomical zone extending into clitoral tissue and establishes the actual average erect penis size at 5.3 to 5.7 inches. | |
| Sponsor Message: Customer Retention with OmniSend | 1 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Following an ad read, Dr. Malik discusses systemic shortcomings in sexual education across US schools and how premature exposure to online porn at age 10 fosters performance anxiety. | |
| Proactive Sex Education and Clitoral Knowledge Gaps | 1 | 7 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik shares her framework for teaching children about sexual anatomy and notes that even medical students and clinicians receive negligible education regarding clitoral anatomy. | |
| Solo Exploration, Overcoming Shame, and Sensate Focus Therapy | 1 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik outlines clinical sex therapy interventions, notably sensate focus exercises designed to decouple physical touch from the pressure of penetrative performance. | |
| Sexual Function as a Health Indicator and Modern Intimacy Declines | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | The conversation links sexual dysfunction to systemic metabolic issues and explores how modern screen time and individualized society have contributed to a macro decline in intimacy. | |
| Maximizing the Human Sex Span and Longevity Benefits | 1 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik describes research on older demographics, explaining why sexual desire persists into late life (up to age 89) and how regular intimacy correlates with longevity and reduced depression. | |
| Pelvic Floor Mechanics, Hypertonicity, and Physical Therapy | 1 | 8 | 1 | 0 | Dr. Malik delivers an extensive anatomical breakdown of pelvic floor mechanics, contrasting hypotonic weakness (requiring Kegels) with hypertonic tightness (where Kegels worsen pain). | |
| Effects of Cannabis and Alcohol on Sexual Performance | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Sanchez asks about cannabis as a vasodilator; Dr. Malik notes short-term cannabis use can increase libido while chronic use dampens it, and advises against heavy alcohol intake. | |
| Future Fertility Trends, Societal Support, and Working Motherhood | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Both discuss demographic declines, European policy interventions to encourage family formation, and the professional and cultural pressures facing working mothers. | |
| Artificial Intelligence, Sex Robots, and the Power of Human Touch | 2 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Sanchez queries the future of AI companions and sex robots. Dr. Malik explains neurological findings showing human touch receptors trigger brain activation that artificial stimuli cannot replicate. |
Statements from this episode (35)
Malik: Women Orgasm 45% in First Heterosexual Encounters vs 95% in Lesbian
“When you look at first-time sex encounters, so let's say a man and a woman, 45% of the time the woman's gonna orgasm. Only 45%. If you look at a lesbian first encounter, 95% of the time they orgasm.”
Malik: 85% of Women Require Clitoral Stimulation to Climax
“So, 85% of women need clitoral stimulation to climax, which doesn't require a large penis.”
Malik: 9% of Men Experience Delayed Ejaculation Taking Over 30 Minutes
“So there's, you know, there's some men who have what's called delayed ejaculation, so they will eject, they will take like 30 minutes or more to eject it. It's like nine percent.”
Malik: Female Sexual Arousal Takes 25 Minutes on Average
“So arousal for women takes longer than men. It takes about 25 minutes on average.”
Malik: Stopwatch Studies Show Average Sex Duration Is 5 to 6 Minutes
“And so if you think about sex, the average duration for sex is about five to six minutes. So for a man to ejaculate when they've actually decided with like, Took a stopwatch and timed it. Like the partner puts on their stopwatch times penetration to climax. An…”
Malik: 40% of Women Experience Low Libido During Their Lifetime
“In fact, 40% of women will have low libido in their lifetime.”
Malik: Women Have More Testosterone Than Estrogen in Their Bodies
“So testosterone in women, we have more testosterone than we do estrogen in our bodies.”
Malik: Only Two On-Label Medications Exist for Pre-Menopausal Low Libido
“So we have two on-label medications for pre-menopausal women. Now they work for post-menopausal women. They work for men but they are just studied for that population.”
Malik: Erectile Dysfunction Affects 52% of Men Over 50, Increasing by Decade
“So 52% of men over 50. And that goes up every decade. So, 60% at 60, 70% at 70, 80%, 80.”
Malik: 14% of Men With ED Suffer Heart Attacks Within 7 Years
“Because of the guys who have ED, 14% of those guys will go on to have a heart attack in seven years.”
Malik: Erectile Dysfunction Precedes Heart Issues by 2 to 3 Years
“And so it's like two to three years before you're going to see a heart issue, you're going to see erectile dysfunction.”
Malik: 150 Minutes of Weekly Cardio Is as Effective as Viagra
“There's actually a study that shows that if you exercise a 150 minutes a week, current moderate intensity cardiovascular exercise, it's as good as taking a Viagra.”
Malik: Erotica enhances intimacy only in healthy relationships, not unfulfilling ones
“If you are dissatisfied with your partner and you're using these movies or books to escape and like get pleasure for yourself, then it's not going to lead to more intimacy because you're already having bad sex with your partner. Right. But whereas, like, you'r…”
Malik: 20 Minutes of Daily Mindfulness Significantly Improves Female Sexual Function
“So, like, when you look at studies of Lori Brado is a researcher who did the study. They did 20 minutes of mindfulness for women who were having low libido. 20 minutes of mindfulness outside the bedroom every single day. And they saw that after, I think it was…”
Malik: Over 90% of adults have viewed pornography
“I think realistically 90 plus percent of the population has watched pornography at some point in their lifetime,”
Malik: Couples watching pornography together tend to have more sex
“And actually couples who watch it together tend to have more sex.”
Malik: Have Sensitive Sex Conversations Side-by-Side Rather Than Face-to-Face
“Don't do it looking at them face to face. Maybe go on a walk. Maybe in the car. So, like, it's the first time you're having a conversation, and just start by finding, like, what turns you on?”
Malik: Data Shows Women Who Consume Pornography Tend to Have More Sex
“So there's data that like women who watch pornography, and this is not like everybody, but like women who enjoy those sorts of things are more sexually adventurous, more You know, they like to have sex with their partner and they actually have more sex if you …”
Malik: The G-Spot Is an Innervated Zone, Not a Distinct Button
“The G-spot is a zone, actually. It's not a spot. And I think people are like, where is it? What is it? Like, is it a button? Do you have to find it? Like, no, it's just an area, right? It's like the top of the vagina and it's about two to three centimeters and…”
Malik: Average Erect Penis Length Is 5.3 to 5.7 Inches
“It's about 5.3 to 5.7 inches erect. So not huge. Not like what we think is average, right?”
Malik: Erect Penises Measuring 7.5 to 8 Inches Represent the Top 5%
“And when you start going to like seven and a half to eight inches, that's like the top five percent.”
Malik: Only 22 US States Mandate Accurate Sex Education in Schools
“There's only 22 states in the United States that are required to have accurate sexual education in school.”
Malik: The Average Age of Initial Pornography Exposure Is 10 Years Old
“The average age of a young person seeing porn is 10.”
Malik: Medical Students Frequently Confuse the Clitoris With the Urethra
“I have medical students putting catheters for women. I'm a urologist, and so we would teach them how to put it in, and so many would, like, Go towards the clitoris. I'm like, nope, damn. The urethra is lower. That's the clitoris.”
Malik: Gynecologists and Urologists Receive Minimal Training on the Clitoris
“Even in our training, there's very little discussion about the clitoris. We're just now starting to have this discussion like, hey, the clitoris has foreskin. Hey, it can get smegma. It can, there's other issues. You have to look at the clitoris and you have t…”
Malik: Therapists Use Sensate Focus to Relieve Sexual Performance Anxiety
“Like the sex therapist will prescribe something called sensate focus. So what that is, is we say, you're not allowed to penetrate. You're not even allowed to touch the genitals. You, when you're with your partner, want to explore other areas, find your erogeno…”
Malik: Sexual Dysfunction Is a Primary Biomarker of Systemic Illness
“It's such a good biomarker of health. Your ability to have sex, so to have desire, to get aroused, to climax, and to feel good at the end of it all, all those things should be intact, right? And when there's a problem with one of them, it tells us, hey, is the…”
Malik: Having Sex Weekly Correlates with Longer Lifespans and Lower Depression
“There's actually data to support that when you're having sex once a week, that those people live longer and have less depression than people that don't.”
Malik: Kegel Exercises Can Cause Harm for Individuals With Tight Pelvic Floors
“It's good when you have a weak pelvic floor, but when you have a tight pelvic floor, which is what I think your friend had it actually can hurt you to do Kegels, because you're strengthening an already tight and tense muscle, and you want to relax that muscle …”
Malik: Short-Term Cannabis Boosts Libido, but Chronic Use Lowers It
“Marijuana, CBD, THC, whichever form you want to use has been shown to increase libido in the short term, right? It's, The problem becomes you're using it all the time because it does sort of mellow you out, right? And it can then over chronic you sort of just …”
Malik: Chronic Alcohol Use Drives Persistent Male Erectile Issues
“When you look at the data, it's more when people were like chronically having a lot of alcohol use that are really having these problems.”
Malik: European Governments Subsidize Vacations to Boost Fertility Rates
“So in Europe, they're making decisions. They're making some legislation. I forget which country exactly where they're encouraging. They're giving incentives for people to go on vacation because vacation is stress, but not because they want people to go on vaca…”