Insight
Voss: Intentionally saying falsehoods elicits hidden information through irresistible correction
“The urge to correct is so irresistible that we actually use it as one of our negotiation skills. I'll say something wrong on purpose. Because you will not be able to resist the urge to correct me with the truth. And it's a great way for me to trigger getting h…”
Insight
Voss: Handing off to a new negotiator always signals a harder line
“No negotiation team, whether it's business or hostage, hands a negotiator off to another negotiator to be nicer.
Ever.
Business or hostage.
If there's a change in negotiation, negotiators on the other side, it is always to take a harder line.
Always.”
Insight
Chris Voss: Pre-planned 'must-haves' and 'giveaways' can be completely wrong
“Well, if they've got proprietary information that would change everything, then your must haves and your giveaways could be completely wrong.”
Insight
Voss: Driving for 'no' creates safety while seeking 'yes' creates friction
“Instead of, do you want to talk about what we're here for, which you're driving for yes, because that going for yes creates friction, but going for no creates protection and safety.”
Insight
Voss: Relying on leverage caps a negotiator at B-level performance
“I mean, you get yourself to B level negotiator there. You'll never get yourself to A plus on leverage. Cause leverage is the ability to inflict harm. And if you're making deals based on the ability to inflict harm, these are not, those don't go for stable long…”
Insight
Voss: Collaborative negotiation makes more money faster than cutthroat tactics
“If you're the most mercenary person in the world, and the only thing you care about is making money, then that's the fastest, easiest way to make the money.”
Insight
Chris Voss: The first negotiation is always establishing trust to uncover information
“And the other side will tell you if they could trust you not to hurt them with it. So your first negotiation is trust. Cause they got stuff. If they could tell you it would change everything.”
Insight
Voss: Direct questioning makes negotiation counterparts feel cornered and destroys trust
“Well, questioning somebody makes them feel cornered. Which then diminishes trust because nobody trusts you if you cornered them or interrogated them.”
Insight
Voss: Compromising in negotiations creates lose-lose outcomes and signals mediocrity
“So it's compromise is to by definition, make something lose lose. And that is not compatible with a long-term relationship of trust and prosperity. It's compatible with being a C player.”
Insight
Voss: Brain science supports a three-stage parenting model from royalty to independence
“I heard a long time ago, up to age five, treat a kid like a king. Five to 15, you know, work them like an indentured servant. At 15, let them go. There's a lot of brain science that, that overlaps very closely with that in the development of the brain.”
Insight
Voss: 'Story stealing' to relate leaves conversation partners feeling squashed
“Now, the other thing that you'll, you'll do frequently is hijack to relate and it's called story stealing and you won't mean to do it. But the other person will say something that triggers this incredible memory in you of a past experience, something that happ…”
Insight
Voss: Counterparts Will Not Make Great Deals if They Feel Threatened
“Demonstrating understanding, not understanding, but demonstrated understanding in a way that the other side feels heard and draws them into telling you more, removes you as a threat. First move in a negotiation is to remove yourself as a threat, because why wo…”
Insight
Voss: Deceiving Hostage-Takers Ruptures Trust for Future Negotiators
“Hostage negotiators have repeat customers. So I might not see you again, but if I get you out alive, another negotiator is going to, which means if I lied to you, if I deceived you, if I didn't take the time to understand you, that's going to be your experienc…”
Assertion Not checkable as stated
Voss: Roughly half of deals close immediately once the counterpart feels heard
“And about half of the deals are made on the spot once the other side feels completely heard.”
Insight
Voss: Negotiation trust is fundamentally built on predictability
“What people really don't understand is how important trust is, and trust is based on your, how predictable you are. Take out the word trust to put in the word predictability. You all automatically become more trustworthy because you're predictable.”
Assertion Partly supported
Voss: Lance Armstrong's Oprah confession was negotiated in advance
“The Lance Armstrong interview, he wasn't caught off guard by those questions. That was the negotiation between him and her in advance as to whether or not he was going to get on camera and what she was going to ask him. You don't see anything in the media abou…”
Insight
Voss: People remember only the peak moment and the final impression
“People don't remember things, how they happened. They remember, and they don't remember how it started. They remember the most intense moment and how it ended. The last impression is the lasting impression.”
Insight
Voss: Calling Out Potential Negative Impressions Instantly Builds Trust
“What would you want to deny walking in? That's your gut instinct telling you a negative is there. And you make the shift from a denial to the straight observation. Look, I'm probably going to seem greedy. I'm probably just going to seem like another slimy sale…”
Insight
Voss: Making Counterparts Feel Heard Releases Oxytocin and Reduces Demands
“Neuroscience wise, what difference does it make to make somebody feel hurt? I will trigger the release in you of your neurochemicals, oxytocin and serotonin. If you get a hit of oxytocin, In interacting with me, you're going to bond with me, and you're going t…”
Insight
Voss: Crushing sellers on price destroys future willingness to help
“Once I've killed you on price, you are not going to forget that, and you are not going to lift a finger to help me ever again.”
Insight
Voss: Ordering kids around teaches them that force is the only solution
“And what a lot of parents want to do is just order kids around. Like, go to bed because I'm dad. I'm, why? Because I said so. I'm because I'm the father. That's why. Well, that's not really helping them think. It's demonstrating to them that the only way you c…”
Insight
Voss: Repeating back what counterparts say accelerates deal-making
“It seems like it's a waste of time and it ends up being a relationship accelerator, which then is a deal-making accelerator.”
Chris Voss