Psychotherapist and sex therapist Suzanne Iasenza discusses why individuals struggle to be honest with their romantic partners, explaining that shame often originates internally.
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“Even if the partner really proves to be truly a loving, non-judgmental partner, that doesn't mean that the self is that understanding. So it could be more of a conflict within the self about why someone can't put words to it.”
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More from Suzanne Iasenza
Insight
Iasenza: Medical Diagnoses Function as Narratives That Create Categories of Sickness
“Medical diagnoses are stories and narratives, right? And they tell us what makes us sick or what makes us well. And when they come up with a new diagnosis, now you can have a whole other family of narratives of sickness.”
Iasenza: Sexual initiation patterns are more socially constructed than biologically determined
“Yeah, I think it really, probably most sex therapists would say it's more socially constructed than biologically determined, even though, yes, Cisgendered men have more testosterone in their systems than cisgendered women, let's say.”
Iasenza: Couples' communication problems are often failures to negotiate differences
“We're having trouble with differences, so it might not even be communications really the problem. It's that they're not able or they don't have the skills to be able to hear each other out, to be able to then find compromises, which is a big skill in couples.”
Iasenza: Suppressing true needs from partners drives relationship breakdown
“Whatever way you're not saying truly what you need, or what you don't want, or whatever, is creating probably why you're in my office in the first place.”
Iasenza: Privacy does not violate relationship agreements, whereas secrecy inflicts harm
“Privacy is an area of human experience that does not impact the couple negatively, especially in terms of understood or implied truth you know, between them, or agreement.”
Iasenza: Relationship outcomes become harder for therapists to predict over time
“The longer I've practiced, the less I can really predict. How a couple's gonna turn out. I've become more humble over time, and I've been more surprised over time.”
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