The Exchanges

Q Yeah, totally. All right. More questions. Um, this is from Joseph McCarthy. What are your best coping mechanisms and systems that help you manage the overwhelming aspects of entrepreneurship?

A Team. I learned, even though I'm an introvert, and I love to be alone, and I work alone, and I have since I fail, and I go hide under my covers and ignore and avoid, and that is death. Every successful entrepreneur knows if you avoid problems, they explode. So I had to learn that I needed someone early on, and, and it was going to cost me money that I probably needed in other places to help me not feel alone and to take on the things that were scary. For example, when we, um, when we had that Oh my gosh, we've lost 30% of our business overnight in March this year. It was my partner who showed me an Excel spreadsheet and said, you know what, let's adjust the forecast. We can do this. I was a wreck. I was having panic attacks, and she showed me an Excel spreadsheet, and it was ok. So, think about what makes you feel more in control and more held. It could be other people, it could be advisors, could be hiring staff.

AI assessment note: “Team. I learned, even though I'm an introvert”

Q in a networking event, and you're just, you know, you're standing there alone, and I've been to conferences, TED conferences, and other conferences where I'm like, I don't know anybody, and this is, you know, before I did How I Built This, and nobody knew who I was, and I was just There, standing around. How do you approach people? How do you start conversations with people at these events?

A You walk up to them, and you say hi, and you smile. Um, honestly, what brings you here? My, my friend Allison Shapira, who's a great speech coach, her advice is all you have to say is, what brings you here? And let the other person do the work. Don't overthink it. You do not need to give a Nobel Prize speech in your very first hello at a networking event. And the other thing I would say is, if it's causing you that much pain, leave. I mean, the fact, I think a lot of us also think, and when we're entrepreneurs, that if we leave the event, we're missing out on our big VC funding or our big seed round. You're not. If it's causing you that much internal pain, go home. Write some killer blog. Get it placed. Do something on LinkedIn. Find your channel that works for you.

AI assessment note: “You walk up to them, and you say hi, and you smile.”

Q feel, and I thought that was a really important perspective. So, um, you might want to check out that episode of How I Built This with Melissa Butler. Thank you for that question. Um, We have time for one or two more. Um, let's get a question from Claire Murashima. Hello, Claire. Claire asks, where do you draw the line between vulnerability and oversharing for somebody who is experiencing anxiety?

A I have a little saying that a therapist friend of mine told me, no on-camera meltdowns. Leave the mess at home for your therapist, right? You could say to your team, I really want to run through these numbers because the economy is very uncertain, and I want to make sure that we have a good handle on the next six months. They don't need to know that money makes you anxious because of your parents' divorce. Which, frankly, money makes me anxious because of my parents' divorce, but that's my brand. Um, so I think it's really about, again, thinking through being strong and vulnerable, and how much, how much am I comfortable with? But I think that oversharing in the social media age is a temptation that a lot of entrepreneurs might feel, actually, because a lot of our favorite entrepreneurs are Do seem to be able to share a lot, right, when they get on Guy's show, but they've already made their billion dollars, you know, and I think that it's really important not to show the mess. So practice vulnerability with not the mess.

AI assessment note: “no on-camera meltdowns. Leave the mess at home for your therapist”

Q I know you, you recently gave a talk, I think, about, um, how to kind of deal with this virtual work environment that many of us have found ourselves in. One of the things you talk about is don't try to recreate the culture that you've got in the office place online because it's not possible and that actually is going to be counterproductive. What did you mean by that?

A I think that a lot of people, especially the beginning of the pandemic, when we thought it may not have been nine, 10 months, just slapped the old routine onto Zoom. So if you had six meetings a day in the office, all of a sudden you had six on-camera meetings. And I think what a lot of people don't realize is that, and you'll understand this, a Zoom meeting is really a performance, especially if you're talking. If you're not talking and you're on Zoom, you're actually more likely to become disengaged and depressed. So Zoom is often draining for everyone, even introverts. There was a lot of articles about, oh, the introverts are so happy. They sit in their PJs all day. And no, we feel disconnected too, because we're all just out there performing on Zoom, wondering what the social cues are, sort of fake connecting and not getting any real energy back. So my first piece of advice is to do less Zoom. It's not, it's not rocket science. You know, do sort of like a ratio. I have like a one to three ratio. For every one Zoom, I try to do three audio calls, because I think it recharges people. They don't have to be on camera. They're more focused. You know, don't just put the old rules onto the new schedule. Build in breaks, respect boundaries, etc.

AI assessment note: “a lot of people, especially the beginning of the pandemic... just slapped the old routine onto Zoom.”

Q for older leaders to do that. People will often ask me, well, why is it so important for leaders to show vulnerability? You know, why, why do you want to draw that out? What's so important about some founder being vulnerable on your show? Why does that make them a better leader? And, um, sometimes I have a hard time answering that question. I, I think I know what the

A Well, I have, I have two answers. One is internal. When you know yourself, and you know that you can be vulnerable, you have self-awareness. And we have 40 years of data showing that emotionally intelligent people are better leaders. They just are. When you know what's gonna set you off, when you know what makes you anxious, when you know that something's gonna trigger your anxiety in a negotiation and maybe lead to a worse outcome, You're going to get a better outcome, because you're not going to get triggered as much. To me, it's just simple. When you understand yourself, you're better, right? And people respond to people who understand themselves. Who have empathy and who aren't fake. I mean, I think at the end of the day, people throughout this pandemic have been scared to pretend like things aren't a mess. But the truth is, we all know it's a mess. You can't pretend otherwise. And so I don't want to be led by someone who pretends like things are perfect. I have no trust in that person. No.

AI assessment note: “we have 40 years of data showing that emotionally intelligent people are better leaders.”

Q get to some questions. We have a bunch of questions, um, and they're all so good, so I want to try to get to as many as possible. This is from Graziella, uh, via LinkedIn, and Graziella asks, how do passionate entrepreneurs who are introverts, how do they become successful when so much of, like, the customer adoption and venture funding is about engagement and pitching and things like that?

A Again, it's a skill. So I think that Really narrowing down and practicing is really important. People make fun of having an elevator pitch, but I think all of us can agree that that's one of the hardest things in life to do. But you've got to put that work in up front. And then once you know it, it's muscle memory, and you got it. You got it. And then as soon as you can, hire people around you, right? Hire someone who just loves to go out and schmooze. But don't ever think that the fact that you get nervous Before you go talk to people and you want to throw up and you want to hide in the bathroom means that you can't be a successful entrepreneur because every successful entrepreneur feels that way.

AI assessment note: “Again, it's a skill. So I think that Really narrowing down and practicing is really important.”

Q we're getting lunches or coffees and, and let's face it, even after the vaccine, I think a lot of us are going to be reluctant to do that, you know, right away. But let's say you want to reach out to 10 people and they are weak ties, people you maybe met once or twice or haven't talked to in a long time. What would you say in that email?

A I think that the first thing to get over is a sense of shame or embarrassment that you're reaching out. So many people feel that they shouldn't have to ask for help, right? Especially, you know, if you're trying to make it on your own, you think, oh gosh, why should, why am I doing this? I shouldn't be asking for help. You have to get rid of that because if you're going to be an entrepreneur, especially you have to get used to asking people for help. And especially now in the pandemic, we all need a little help. Right? No one's going to do it alone. So have in your mind that this is a good thing to do, but also give to receive. I think that the thing that people who get overly overwhelmed by the idea of I have to be networking do is that they reach out right away with too big an ask. You know, they're asking someone to marry them when they haven't even been on a first date.

AI assessment note: “they reach out right away with too big an ask.”