“So when you recognize somebody is not listening, a simple thing you could do is just say, Hey, listen, I feel like I'm having trouble getting my point across out of curiosity. What is it that you think my point is in this situation and just put it on them. And so what ends up happening is they can't explain it.”
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More from Kwame Christian
Insight
Make First Offers Only When Holding Equal or Superior Information
“If I have as much information or more information, I'm always going to make the first offer because I know the power of anchoring. I'm not going to give that away to the other side, but if they know more than me and I know that, then I'm going to sit back, wai…”
Leading With 'I'm Right' Provokes Resistance Over Persuasion
“There's a difference between being right and being persuasive. And if we start off by saying, I'm right because of this, what we are implying to them is that they are wrong. And so now it's not even about the thing anymore. It's about them asserting themselves…”
“A lot of times we win arguments, but lose the relationship. Resentment builds up, right? So you might get what you want in the moment. They might comply or submit in the moment, but then the whole time while they're complying, they are finding little sneaky wa…”
Christian: Anchors Must Satisfy the 'Because Test' with Objective Third-Party Criteria
“This is the way that you know whether or not your anchor is legit. So you need to be able to finish the sentence. I'm offering this because blank, and then you fill it in with objective and legitimate criteria. So objective, it comes from a third party legitim…”
Shift Conversations to the Future Tense to Neutralize Resentment
“One of the most powerful things you can do to make a conversation more productive, especially when there's been resentment and hurt in the past. Just focus on the grammatical tense of the conversation. Pain, resentment, frustration, judgment, all of that exist…”
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