Jan 15, 2025 · 1h 17m · bigdeal
Why You're Not Getting Pregnant | Kimberly Van Der Beek
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In this episode of The Big Deal Podcast, host Codie Sanchez interviews Kimberly Van Der Beek on rejecting societal hyper-individualism in favor of intentional communal living, maternal intuition, and holistic wellness. Van Der Beek shares candid insights on natural childbirth, navigating late-term pregnancy loss, conscious marriage, and raising six children through grounded, flexible parenting.
How this conversation actually went
Every chapter scored 0–10 on four independent dynamics. Hover any point for the reasoning behind the score. Codie holds 26.3% of the talking time here. How this is scored →
Codie as informed peer 2.9 Guest teaching 4.4 Guest disagreement 0.7 Codie pushing back 0.1
speaking balance: gold is Codie, purple is the guest (3 minute bins)
Sharpest disagreement ▶ 14:48 Kimberly rejects universal home-birth advocacy
Kimberly emphatically dismisses the assumption that she advocates for home births universally, asserting that birthing where a mother feels comfortable is paramount.
Hardest push from Codie ▶ 30:56 Codie challenges negative dating mentalitiesCodie rejects the common complaint that there are no good men available, arguing that putting out cynical energy directly shapes negative relationship outcomes.
Biggest teaching moment ▶ 8:20 Kimberly explains breech birth history and training gapsKimberly informs Codie about historical flaws in breech birth studies and explains why modern medical institutions largely stopped training physicians in safe manual maneuvers.
Codie holds their own ▶ 28:25 Codie shares statistical data on child loss and divorceCodie demonstrates specific knowledge by citing 90-95% divorce rates following late-term miscarriages and the death of a child, grounding the topic in research and personal history.
the scores for every segment, with the reasoning behind each
| Chapter | Topic | Codie as informed peer | Guest teaching | Guest disagreement | Codie pushing back | Why |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Conception Cabin and Midwives Versus Doulas Explained | 2 | 6 | 1 | 0 | Codie asks exploratory questions about home birthing and the difference between doulas and midwives. Kimberly explains the medical and supportive distinctions, noting that doulas lack a formal governing body. | |
| Advocating for Breech Birth and Choosing Medical Teams | 2 | 7 | 1 | 0 | Kimberly details delivering a breech baby at home and explains how flawed historical studies caused hospitals to stop training doctors in safe breech maneuvers. Codie asks basic clarifying questions about breech positioning. | |
| Medical Intuition, Nutrition Training, and Institutional Flaws | 3 | 7 | 1 | 1 | Codie asks how mothers cultivate medical intuition amidst institutional health practices. Kimberly points out institutional gaps, citing that medical schools offer minimal nutrition education and brief training on vaccines. | |
| Embracing the Intensity and Transformation of Natural Labor | 2 | 5 | 2 | 0 | Codie asks frankly about the pain of five unmedicated births. Kimberly rejects dogmatic home-birth advocacy, stating women should birth wherever they feel most comfortable and secure. | |
| Partner Support in Labor and James Van Der Beek's Role | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0 | Codie asks how James handled supporting home births. Kimberly describes his supportive role in the delivery room and how his encouragement gave her strength. | |
| Calling on Sisterhood Energy and the Sacredness of Birth | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0 | Kimberly describes drawing on ancestral sisterhood energy during her sixth delivery and reframing past birth choices as personal soul growth. Codie listens attentively. | |
| Navigating Miscarriage, Fertility Challenges, and Healing Loss | 5 | 5 | 0 | 0 | Codie cites divorce statistics following late-term miscarriages and child loss, referencing her family's history. Kimberly shares her experience with multiple late-term losses and discovering cervical cerclage. | |
| Faith, Spiritual Frequency Matching, and Divine Connection | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | Codie shares an anecdote about church visits and challenges cynical views on dating. Kimberly discusses spiritual frequency matching and letting go of resentment towards men. | |
| Speaking Truth, Navigating Media Scrutiny, and Cultivating Curiosity | 5 | 5 | 2 | 1 | Codie brings up mainstream media coverage and recent admissions around social media censorship. Kimberly reflects on the 2020 media reaction to her, emphasizing curiosity over reactionary rhetoric. | |
| Attracting Partnership and Kimberly's Meeting With James | 2 | 3 | 0 | 0 | Codie asks how Kimberly met James and how women can manifest healthy relationships. Kimberly describes meeting in Jaffa while studying Kabbalah and staying grounded in self-worth. | |
| Relationship Resilience, Communication, and Grieving Together | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | Codie and Kimberly compare notes on communication styles within marriage, noting the discomfort and necessity of confronting difficult issues instead of conflict avoiding. | |
| Reclaiming the Village and Combating Modern Motherhood Isolation | 3 | 4 | 2 | 0 | Kimberly expresses frustration with modern hyper-individualism and the isolation of mothers, advocating for communal village living. Codie agrees and discusses hosting friends frequently. | |
| Evolving Perspectives on Homeschooling and Public Education | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Kimberly describes transitioning from home and unschooling to supporting her oldest daughter's decision to attend public school, emphasizing adaptability over rigid dogma. | |
| Family Dinner Traditions and Nurturing Individual Children | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | Codie shares her nightly learning ritual with her husband. Kimberly describes weekly Sunday family dinners where they coordinate schedules and listen to each child's individual wishes. | |
| Advice on Fertility, Emotional Healing, and Self-Connection | 4 | 5 | 1 | 0 | Codie asks for book recommendations for women struggling with fertility. Kimberly reframes the premise by advising women to sit with their own emotions before absorbing outside literature. |
Statements from this episode (13)
Van Der Beek: A 'spirit baby conception portal' exists on her land
“There's this great book called Spirit Babies by Walter Mackie Chen, and it talks about the different portals that are all over the world about where spirit babies come through and go from the spirit baby realm into conception. And I believe one of those portal…”
Van Der Beek: There is no official governing body for doulas
“There is no governing body for a doula, actually. So there are lots of what feel very official doula training programs, but there's no, not a governing body over it.”
Van Der Beek: Flawed studies halted medical training for breech births
“What I discovered were there were some outdated studies on breech births that took into account third world countries without a head down counterpart. So the studies were heavily flawed, and at that time they stopped training doctors how to do breech births.”
Van Der Beek: Only about 10% of medical schools teach nutrition
“But are doctors trained in nutrition? Most of them are not. Last I checked, it was about 10% of medical schools.”
Van Der Beek: Mothers doing their own research can out-educate doctors
“So if you take like a mom following her intuitive guidance and, you know, unraveling and actually sitting there and going through the peer reviewed studies and the research and all of that, you may have somebody that's actually far more educated than a lot of …”
Sanchez: Late-term miscarriages lead to a 90% divorce rate
“Like, late-term miscarriages, you have a 90% divorce rate. 90%. And if you lose a child, it's closer to 95% as a parent.”
Sanchez: Zuckerberg admitted the government pressured Meta to censor vaccine content
“Well, I mean, look at Zuckerberg has come out now and said, actually, I wish we hadn't censored so many people around the vaccine, and also the government asked us to.”
Van Der Beek: The CIA weaponized 'conspiracy theory' to discredit critics
“And also, the truth is, conspiracy theory itself Was something utilized by the CIA to put people in their place.”
Sanchez: Society needs less casual sex and more appreciation for motherhood
“If we could have more of that in the world, and less of the casual, loose sex, who cares about your other person you know, men are bad, women are good, the world would be a little bit better, and like, part of this podcast is pushing back on this philosophy, a…”
Van Der Beek: Elon Musk crashes in a friend's kids' room
“My friend Bree, her daughter sleeps with In the same room with her son, and Elon takes over their room when he's in Silicon Valley.”
Van Der Beek: Bad childhood school experiences drive alternative education interest
“The whole reason somebody gets passionate about alternative educations for their children is probably because they didn't have an experience that felt nurturing to them.”