Emily Nagoski
Author and Sex Educator. On 1 show, 2 appearances. The Shows tab opens the full record on each.
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Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and researcher known for translating sexual science and stress physiology into accessible guides on human well-being and intimacy. She is the bestselling author of Come as You Are, co-author of Burnout, and author of Come Together.
1shows
2appearances
25statements
10resolved
4supported
1contradicted
40%fully supported
10said about them ↓ Everything Emily Nagoski said on any show that made the record, most notable first. Each card names its show and opens the statement there.
Nagoski: Suppressing male emotional hurt drives violence against women
“And that patriarchal message is, I think, the primary source of
There's violence against women perpetrated by men, is that they don't know what to do with all their hurt, but they know that, like, they can't control this factor in their life, and they're so f…”
Nagoski: True consent requires freedom from the obligation to satisfy others
“Only if this person, if this human giver is freed up from their role as a giver of satisfying needs and not being afraid of disappointing the other person and hurting their feelings and not giving them what they want. Only when they're free of that role are th…”
Nagoski: Mainstream porn primarily harms coerced performers, not the viewers
“I think most of the harm from mainstream porn is actually done not to the people who watch it, but to performers who are coerced or not given free consent to make choices about what they do or don't do.”
Nagoski: No scientific evidence shows open relationships are better or worse than monogamy
“Yeah, there isn't any evidence one way about them being better or worse. They're just a different relationship structure.”
Nagoski: Historically, sexual frequency showed no statistical link to pregnancy rates
“Almost none of the sex humans have ever had
Is reproductive. Even before there was hormonal contraception, there was not a statistically significant relationship between frequency of sex and number of pregnancies.”
Nagoski: Affairs stem from unmet relationship needs rather than sexual desire
“The main reason they happen is not anything to do with sexuality. It's because people are getting needs met in that relationship that they are no longer getting met in this other relationship.”
Nagoski: Most heterosexual men carry hidden emotional wounds from sexual rejection
“There is a wound that I think most
Cis het men are carrying around related to sexual rejection that they will almost never tell anyone about.”
Nagoski: Sexual well-being is measured by pleasure, not performance metrics
“Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being. It's not about how often you do it, who you do it with, what room you do it in, what positions, how many orgasms you have. It's whether or not you like it.”
Nagoski: Post-sex cuddling predicts relationship satisfaction better than sex frequency
“Just a couple of years ago, a study found that the best predictor of sex and relationship satisfaction was not how often a couple had sex or even, like, what orgasms they have, but whether or not they cuddled after sex.”
Nagoski: Couples sustaining long-term sexual connection share friendship and prioritization
“The couples who sustain a strong sexual connection, the two things they do have in common, one, they are friends. They have a strong friendship with trust at the foundation of their relationship. There it is again, trust. And two, they prioritize sex.”
Nagoski: Haidt's Purity Foundation explains our moral discomfort around discussing sex
“The Purity Sanctity Foundation isn't just at work in sexuality, but I think it is the most powerful explanation for why we have moral reactions to just a conversation about genitals.”
Nagoski: Society teaches men that turning down sex is a masculine failure
“They're taught that
If there's any time that they don't want the sex
or they don't like the sex, that they're actually a failure.
They're supposed to be, like, ready to go all the time.
They're supposed to want sex all the time.
They're supposed to like all th…”
Nagoski: Accurate science on human sexuality only emerged in the last 30 years
“Only in the last 20, maybe 30 years has the science been drawing
A more accurate and representative picture of how sexuality actually works physiologically and relationally.”
Nagoski: Learning sex from pornography is like learning driving from NASCAR
“I do know that porn is really bad sex education. It's like, this is my standard analogy, learning about sex from porn is like learning how to drive watching NASCAR. Those are professionals on a closed course with a pit crew. Do not attempt. Like, it doesn't sh…”
Nagoski: Sexual well-being is measured purely by pleasure, not frequency or orgasms
“Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being. It's not about how often you do it, who you do it with, what room you do it in, what positions, how many orgasms you have. It's whether or not you like the sex you are having.”
Nagoski: Post-sex cuddling predicts relationship satisfaction better than sexual frequency
“Just a couple of years ago, a study found that the best predictor of sex and relationship satisfaction was not how often a couple had sex or even, like, what orgasms they have, but whether or not they cuddled after sex.”
Nagoski: Long-term sexual connection requires a foundation of trust and prioritizing sex
“The couples who sustain a strong sexual connection, the two things they do have in common, one, they are friends. They have a strong friendship with trust at the foundation of their relationship. There it is again, trust. And two, they prioritize sex.”
Nagoski: Overall well-being is the best predictor of a woman's sexual satisfaction
“The best predictor, in particular, of a woman's sexual well-being is her overall well-being.”
Nagoski: Revenge functions purely as a social deterrence signal, not emotional resolution
“So what revenge does, it's not so much about what you do to the person you get revenge against, it's that it communicates to other people, don't fuck with me. So it's power play that's useful if you want to be in a dominant, controlling, pretty vicious positio…”
Nagoski: Stress increases sexual interest for only 10 to 20 percent of people
“10 to 20% of people actually find that stress can increase their interest in sex, but for most people, it may have no effect, or else it reduces their interest in sex.”
Nagoski: Gottman's research shows women manage the emotions in heterosexual relationships
“What John Gottman's research shows is that women are indeed in heterosexual relationships, the managers of the emotions in the relationship, responsible for, like, down-regulating the men”
Nagoski: Extra hour of sleep increases next-day sex likelihood by 10 percent
“There was one study from, oh, 2015 that showed that adding one extra hour of sleep increased the chances of having sex the next night by 10%.”
Nagoski: Early 20th-century doctors believed female orgasm was required for pregnancy
“For a long time, up until early in the 20th century, doctors were pretty sure that a woman having an orgasm was how she got pregnant.”
The other half of the tape: Emily Nagoski's own voice is left out of every number here. Other people bring the name up 10 times in 2 episodes across the shows. every mention, with the transcript →
Who brings them up most Suzanne Iasenza 7Shane Parrish 3
Every mention by year
tap a year for its mentions
the Knowledge Project 10
2022 3 mentions in 1 episode
2020 7 mentions in 1 episode
One line per show, most statements first. The link opens Emily's full record on that show: the calibration, argument clarity, speaking style and every statement made there.
| Show | Role there | Eps | Statements | Record | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| KNOWLEDGE PROJECTLEDGER | Author and Sex Educator | 2 | 25 | 40% 4/10 | full record on the Knowledge Project → |