Dr. Laura Markham
Founder & Clinical Psychologist, Aha! Parenting. On 1 show, 1 appearance. The Shows tab opens the full record on each.
authorfounderacademicother@DrLauraMarkham ↗ahaparenting.com ↗
Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist and parenting expert who developed the relationship-based Peaceful Parenting framework. She is the founder of Aha! Parenting and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.
1shows
1appearances
27statements
8resolved
6supported
0contradicted
75%fully supported
Everything Dr. Laura Markham said on any show that made the record, most notable first. Each card names its show and opens the statement there.
Markham: Children face higher abuse risks when an unrelated male moves in
“When a new man comes on the scene in a child's life, a new man is now with their mother, their risk of being abused or in fact being killed in childhood goes up.”
Markham: Telling angry children they are angry increases emotional distance
“Common trope in parenting, name it to tame it, that is applied to children. When your child is angry, if you tell your child they're angry, they'll be less angry. I find that's A, not true. Most parents will tell you it's not true. If you say to your child, yo…”
Markham: Children never perceive spanking or physical punishment as loving
“No child is going to perceive that as loving, you know, but because you're hurting their body.”
Markham: Using bribes and rewards treats children as objects to manipulate
“Some parents don't want to be that parent, so they instead use bribes. They use rewards, you know, and all of that presupposes that our child is an object to be manipulated or at least somebody who doesn't have much brain power, right?”
Markham: Who parents are matters more to child development than strategies
“That what matters most in how kids turn out is who we are as parents. It's not a set of strategies, right? It's a relationship, and every relationship comes from two people having that relationship, and in our case, we're the guidance.”
Markham: Parental self-regulation may have more impact on children than anything else
“So our ability to self-regulate might be the most, might have the most impact on who our child turns out to be than anything else we do.”
Markham: Children up to age 16 cannot make all their own decisions
“No two year old is ready to make all her own decisions and no 12 year old or even I would argue 15 year old or 16 year old is ready to make all of her own decisions.”
Markham: Babies form trust judgments about key adults by 14 months
“And we know from attachment studies that babies as young as 14 months have formed an opinion about every adult who's important to them and whether that adult is trustworthy.”
Markham: Children naturally form an attachment hierarchy between their parents
“It is natural, I will add, for children to have a hierarchy of attachment objects, people. So it is natural for a child who lives with both parents to have one parent who they select as being the one that they will most go to when they're hurt because they kno…”
Markham: Children's self-esteem requires both unconditional love and competence
“Their self-esteem comes from two things. One is from feeling unconditionally loved and adored and valued and delighted in. But the second is from being able to get their needs met, to do things well in the world.”
Markham: Child happiness requires choosing delayed gratification over immediate wants
“A recipe for happiness is to help our child over and over again choose to give up what they want at that moment for something they actually want more.”
Markham: Delaying gratification builds neural pathways for self-regulation in children
“They learn that they can give up something they want in the immediate moment for something they want more. And they build, that's actually building neural pathways between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system. So they become better able to self-regulate…”
Markham: Yelling stops behavior only temporarily through fear
“If we just yell, no, don't do that. He might stop because he's afraid. But then the minute our back is turned, he's going to be back to his old behavior, right? Because he has no motivation to go along with us.”
Markham: Gottman Research Shows Most Parents React Destructively to Kids' Emotions
“Gottman's huge finding was that parents tend to react to kids' emotions in not very constructive ways.”
Markham: Raised adult voices spike blood pressure in sleeping babies
“One thing we know is that when there are raised voices, children's blood pressure and adrenaline shoot up. And that's true of babies also, even if they're nonverbal, shoots up and includes babies who are asleep.”
Markham: Parents should actively resolve their conflicts in front of children
“When kids do see conflict, that's fine. They don't think you don't have to have a home where they never see any conflict, but then you want to work out the conflict in front of them.”
Markham: Unresolved parental conflict erodes children's emotional trust
“So the parent-child relationship is eroded a little bit because the child sees that parent is not completely emotionally trustworthy. This parent is capable of attacking the other parent, or this parent lets themselves be attacked. And doesn't stand up for the…”
Markham: Children learn responsibility when they realize no one will rescue them
“When do they begin to take responsibility? I think as soon as it becomes clear that no one's going to rescue them”
Markham: Fostering child accountability requires replacing blame with a solutions-oriented culture
“It is never about blame, and if you want children to take responsibility, it's a good idea to
Create a household that is no blame.
You could call it a solutions, not blame.
We're a family that looks for solutions, not blame.
So I would start there as a premise…”
Markham: Two hours in nature boosts immune T-cells by 50 percent
“When you spend two hours out in nature, your immune system is about 50% more effective. The number of T cells, killer cells, you have, it's like 50% more for several weeks afterwards.”
Markham: Stepparents Must Build Warm Relationships Before Enforcing Discipline
“If you can step out of the role of disciplinarian and connect with the child in a warmer manner, you will build a relationship that will allow you to influence the child and to Have a better, the child will be more willing to follow your guidance and behave be…”
Markham: Pre-bath roughhousing reduces child tension and aids sleep
“If you get them laughing, it reduces their tension. They fall asleep more easily. You know, it changes the body chemistry, but you wouldn't want to do it after the bath because then they get riled up. So you have to do it before the bath.”
Markham: Needing an alarm clock means your child is sleep-deprived
“The most important indicator is do they wake up on their own without an alarm clock and without you waking them up? If they don't, they're not getting enough sleep.”
Markham: Children's limbic systems develop biologically through parental interaction
“Our children are born with very incomplete neural systems, and so their limbic system, which is the old word for the emotional parts of the brain and neurology, that limbic system is born pretty unfinished and takes shape in interaction with the parent.”
One line per show, most statements first. The link opens Dr.'s full record on that show: the calibration, argument clarity, speaking style and every statement made there.
| Show | Role there | Eps | Statements | Record | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 KNOWLEDGE PROJECTLEDGER | Founder & Clinical Psychologist, Aha! Parenting | 1 | 27 | 75% 6/8 | full record on the Knowledge Project → |