Eyal: Rating Disagreements 1 to 10 Cuts Through Emotional Arguing
Nir Eyal · #104 Nir Eyal: Mastering Indistraction · Feb 16, 2021 · at 1:16:51
Author Nir Eyal explains to Shane Parrish the quantitative conflict resolution system he and his wife use to settle disagreements in their marriage.
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“And this system of scoring how important something is comes in handy because when we have a disagreement small or large, it can be like, Hey, which place do you want to go for lunch? Or you know, how, how strongly do you think that our daughter should be homeschooled versus not? We use a score, a one to 10, and just taking that pulse check of, you know, you can argue about something, but then when you actually ask the other person, well, how important is this to you on a scale of one to 10? Ah, it's a two, or it's an eight. Oh, well, that tells you something right away, and in particular for me, I would get into the habit of arguing about something for the sake of the discussion, And without actually revealing to her how important I really thought it was, or you know, sometimes if you let the emotions get the best of you, you'll, you'll argue almost for the sake of the momentum you've built in the discussion as opposed to like, okay, but really how important is it?”
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