The Exchanges

Q not so normal. And so the first question I kind of had for you is, you know, you're married now for a couple of years. But you were divorced previously, and I'm guessing looking around for a human. Uh, was that hard? You were successful, you, you were doing well voluntarily, and, um, then you had to find a human who could keep up with that. What was that like?

A That was, it was really hard. So a couple of things made it complicated. Uh, one, Yeah, I work all the time, and I'm swamped. And the friend group that I had in Toronto was kind of an older friend group, so there wasn't anybody in there that was interested in what I was doing. Not that I needed somebody extremely interested in what I was doing, but there were certain things I was looking for. So I was like, they need to be smart. Well, let me start from the beginning. I'd gotten to the point after the divorce with a kid that I was like, Being in a bad relationship is really bad. Being alone is way better than that. So I was like, I'm ok. I'm actually gonna be fine. If I'm by myself, I'm fine. Now, I was lonely, for sure, like very lonely, but I was like, this is fine. I can do this. So I was at that point. And then I tried to think about what I wanted, which I wasn't just going to get into a bad relationship. I was like, okay, this needs to hit on a lot of levels. Uh, they need to be okay that I want to work all the time. They need to be okay that I'm not giving me sale on mom. Uh, what else was it? They need to have a sense of humor. They need to be emotionally stable, because there's so many, like, crazy ups and downs in my life, and I have so much baggage, and I had more baggage two years ago, but, like, so much baggage, it was like, you need to be emotionally stable. When t…

AI assessment note: “That was, it was really hard. So a couple of things made it complicated.”

Q Did it take you a while to get your, your person box that specifically? Like, how did you figure out exactly what that was? Was there a process if you talked to other people about it?

A No. I don't know how I came to that. I think I just looked at what my likes looked at, and then I'd been through a divorce, so I knew what didn't work and what I didn't want. So I think a lot of it was knowing what I didn't want. Is, you know, sometimes you go out with someone, you're like, oh, they, they check off a bunch of my list, but they're missing this one thing, but they check off so many boxes that cares about this one thing. And then the longer it is, you're like, oh, that was really important. My dad had also told me from a young age, like super young, write a list of, so this was definitely from him, write a list of what you want in a man and look for that. I think she probably told me that when I was 14, like young. Um, So that was probably in the back of my mind, but I think most of it was an aversion to being in a bad relationship and just being like, I, I totally fine by myself. Like I'm being a single mom. I am being successful in business. I have money. I don't have to worry about these things anymore. I'm not going to have somebody come in. And wreck any of that. It needs to be a positive, and then there needs to be a bunch of boxes filled out in order for it to be positive.

AI assessment note: “I'd been through a divorce, so I knew what didn't work and what I didn't want.”

Q When did you first realize that you wanted to put him first? Like, was there a moment where you're like, oh, this is like that?

A I think I probably wanted that to be the case right off the bat, and didn't actually do it until more recently. Um, so that probably would have been, like, partially lying to myself, because I knew that that's what I wanted, but I, there was a part of me that was like, Didn't want to relinquish control of selling things in the business, probably, um, and put him first. I don't know if that makes sense. So it's probably, it probably took two and a half years, really, into a relationship. I don't think that's that long, and I do think it's handy to just do that right at the beginning anyway, but that's something I wanted before I actually had it.

AI assessment note: “I think I probably wanted that to be the case right off the bat”

Q than ever, not getting married, not having kids until later. You know, real change in statistics over the last, we're in, 30 years. Um, if there are enough women listening who want to be successful and in their careers, but also want to find somebody, what sort of advice, Annie, do you give them? Do you think that there are things you can actually do to find a great mate?

A I think the list is helpful. I think if people had told me to listen to my intuition, that would have been really beneficial. Like, if you're with someone, you're attracted to them, they're funny, especially as young ones, say you're like, 22, 23, you're attracted to them, they're funny, they're like, charming, and your guy's kind of like, nervous. That's not a good idea. Like, you should be going for people who make you feel safe. And I think people can get wrapped up in psychopaths in particular when they're young, because they get this excitement feeling, and it's not, it's almost the same as being enthusiastic about something, but you should have, be around that person, and they shouldn't make you feel safe. They shouldn't make you feel a little bit anxious, even if they're charming. So I like, that's advice I couldn't use, probably. Uh, and then make a list, and then also try not to Stress out about finding somebody too quickly, because I know when you're, like, 18, I can remember myself, 18 to 23, I'm like, this is the time, the time is now, but it turns out there's a bunch of time after that as well, and I don't think all these, like, lies of the red pill, whatever that sexually intense viewing out about, like, you need to be a certain age to find someone, I don't believe that, um, so I just, just ignore that. Working on yourself is the best thing you can do, though. Lik…

AI assessment note: “Working on yourself is the best thing you can do, though.”