The Exchanges

Q you coach, you know, through your business, which we'll talk about, um, Matthew AI and then also all the events and everything that you do. You, you coach and talk to thousands and thousands of people about dating and millions and millions of people across social media. Do you find, are people happier when they date somebody or marry somebody that has the same political view as them? Or no?

A I think it removes a variable. You know, I think it takes something off the table that becomes a deep source of, uh, antagonism in a relationship. I mean, it's not, I deal with people who are You know, you've got one person in the relationship who has one stance on abortion and the other side has a completely different stance. That's really tricky because it, you know, we're not talking to people in a relationship who are like, one of them thinks we should pay a bit more in tax and the other one doesn't, which kind of, you know, you, those situations are a little easier because it's just like, ah, you, you know, You believe in higher taxes and I don't. When it comes to those more deep-seated issues, um, it's very hard for people. And, and also, you know, we live in a world that's, we, I'd be the last person to, to make the point that we're so divided. And so it's much more now, I think, you know, people have said, if you hear one person's belief now, you kind of tend to know everything they believe. Yep. Um, because of whatever echo chamber they're in, and so I think you have two people meeting where it's not just like there are nuances in, they have different, like they agree for the most part over here, but then there's just some areas where they just don't quite align. Usually it's like, no, you believe all of these different things, and I believe all of these different thin…

AI assessment note: “I think it takes something off the table that becomes a deep source of antagonism”

Q It's actually, when you say it that way, it's so true. You know, do you think You know, it's interesting. You talk to a lot of women about dating and how to not settle in their relationship and in the love that they found or find. What is, what is your best advice for women on making sure they don't settle?

A Um, to cut to the core of it, be very, very honest with yourself about what makes you happy. Because we tend to settle for things when we're not actually being honest about what's going to make us happy. So for example, you, you, You start seeing someone who is, you know, charismatic and sexy and, you know, makes you feel alive and you, you know, you have a great time with them. You feel this amazing connection, but let's say there are some major catches. They don't want a relationship. They can continue to see other people. They are extremely inconsistent with their communication. They Are completely out of sight, out of mind when you're not with them. So you never feel safe. You constantly feel anxious. You don't feel like you can ever fully hold on to them. It never really feels like you're together. And so you're living for the next time you're with them, which is amazing when it happens, but it's miserable when you're not with them. And even when you're with them, if you're honest, it's kind of miserable on some level, because even though you're happy, you just can't keep looking at your watch going. Uh, when is this going to end? I know it's going to end in a few hours and then I might not hear from them for another week or two. Like that in that situation, which is extremely common, we are incredibly unhappy and we are lying to ourselves that we're happy. And we settle f…

AI assessment note: “be very, very honest with yourself about what makes you happy.”

Q lot of, a lot of times lately what I hear is people saying, and I'll just go back to women because I am a woman, but replace this with a man, and I'm sure there's something different, which is like, Men don't like women who are X. So like, I want to play that game with a few of these. For instance, do men not like women who are intelligent?

A Um, I, some men are threatened by women's intelligence, that's for sure. Other men won't date a woman who's not intelligent. I, but I think to do, to give credit to that statement, There's an awful lot of men who are already coming to the table with a chip on their shoulder and they are trying to figure out where their significance comes from in life. And so when they come along and you're intelligent, it's one more way That I'm not good enough. It's one more way that you're highlighting a deficit for me. And, um, and for those men, the intelligence is not high on their list because connection isn't high on their list. What's high on their list is feeling significant. Like, I know that for me and most of the men I know, The having, being able to have great conversations with someone is an absolute must for a long-term relationship. They want someone they can shoot the with, they can see a movie with, and leave that movie, and be like, what did you think? And that person goes, oh my god, when that thing happened, and I really thought it was interesting in this way, and so on. Not. That was good. Like, they're like, wait, what? No, let's talk about it. Most of the people I know want That kind of a connection and are cerebral people. So they would struggle not to have that kind of connection. So for them is, but if they're going into, I'm not saying they don't have their insecurit…

AI assessment note: “some men are threatened by women's intelligence, that's for sure. Other men won't date”

Q What, what is the reason why it's important to you?

A It, it makes my whole life better. Everything, everything good in my life. Is made better by my relationship with my wife and everything bad in my life is made easier by my relationship with my wife. She is the, the, the amplifier for all good things and a bomb for all bad things. And so she's like this core asset in my life, this core thing that That has this wonderful effect on everything else. And, and, and so for me, I, it's just so, if I'm resentful, or if I'm feeling annoyed, or I'm, I've lost sight of the bigger picture, which is, like, dummy, this, your life is so, like, you have forgotten how much better your life is because this person is in it.

AI assessment note: “It, it makes my whole life better. Everything, everything good in my life.”

Q help people as much as we can with your expertise to find love, and then I also want us, maybe even more important, it's not just about getting married, it's about staying married, right, happily, and so stay married, and so I, I kind of, one of the questions I had was, One, how do you stay married? What are the traits of two people who stay married together happily?

A I like talking about this because I feel I'm discovering this as I'm talking because it's, I've talked so much about dating. I've talked so much about getting into relationships. It's fun for me to, to think about this side of it, uh, because I've been asked about it less. Um, Look, I, I think that you have to, you have to actually be, uh, I think a great marriage actually requires an awful lot of discipline. Um, it's not a word that comes up a lot in relation to relationships, but I actually think discipline is really, really important because I, if you If you have a good body, there's, there's, because there's a discipline there about the way that you show up in that area of your life. And it's not easy. It's not, there are days you don't feel like going to the gym. I don't feel like going to the gym. I would say four out of five days that I go. I really don't. It's one of those things that I feel I'm happy I did it after I did it. Beforehand, not so much. And every area of our life is like that. Our business is like that.

AI assessment note: “I think a great marriage actually requires an awful lot of discipline.”

Q You didn't lay your voting card on the Can you walk me through each decision, please?

A But we, but what was clear early on was that we did have some different stances on things, and I, the, the more we were in each other's worlds, the, I think we've really affected each other. You know, both of us have changed, and that to me is, there's something very, very beautiful about that. So if I had written her off because she believes different things than me, and she'd written me off for the same reason, We might have been missing something more important, which is that actually at our core, Audrey and I are both intensely curious people, and I'm more interested in truth than I am in being right. So that, which by the way is always, this is a very besides the point point to make, but I always think it's an important point for people to hear. Is that saves you actually from fear of embarrassment. And, you know, in an interview like this, right, I could, or a conversation like this, it would be very scary to go in Thinking that the goal is to be right. Because then if I'm, if I misstep and say something that I turn out to be wrong about, it's a really hard thing for my ego to try and reverse out of that. But if I instead say, I just, I just care about finding what's true, then I can change my position on anything at any time. And there's something very powerful about that. And I think that if you can bring that to a relationship, Then you have a relationship between two …

AI assessment note: “what was clear early on was that we did have some different stances on things”