The Exchanges

Q So how do you actually do it then? So what would be the process?

A So in the case of somebody who has a goal, but they feel like they don't have the confidence to achieve that goal, I would say, what does feel good right now? What feels good right now? So it may be that You want to achieve this big career accomplishment, but you don't know how to get there, but you know that today you can take that one first step to polish up your resume. And you know that next month you can have the vision of creating a new relationship with somebody that can begin that storyline of, uh, maybe next employer. But you're not trying to reach for the big thing overnight. You're reaching for the thing that feels achievable. I wouldn't want to push somebody beyond their comfort zone because we need to meet ourselves with grace and compassion, and when we're tender to ourselves, and we don't push, push in a way that feels aggressive, we can then start to have these little mini wins, and those mini wins, when we add up those small right actions daily, start to become the big wins.

AI assessment note: “when we add up those small right actions daily, start to become the big wins.”

Q How do you recognize a part in you, either positive or negative, just to start with?

A Well, I think that, you know, think about the beliefs or patterns or behaviors that You feel often either ashamed of, or feel like quite frustrated with, or feel like you have to, uh, manage, right? And, uh, these could be addictive parts. Those are really extreme protectors, or they could be managers. They're just kind of like the, the controller that's around all day, or the, or the bossy one, or the, the parts of us that are extreme, or the parts of us that are, uh, creating chaos, or the parts of us that feel like we Become so blended with. We're like, something came over me. A part of me took over. I had a profound conversation with my son yesterday, because these little people are developing their parts in real time. And he acts like a complete bully when he's around little, smaller kids or kids that are more vulnerable. And he starts acting out and being really bossy and really rude. And sometimes he'll even like get physical and, and he, you know, takes his toys away. And later, I was like, bro, what's going on? Like, what, what's happening? And I, instead of being like, you can't do that, I used my self-help tools, which I'll teach through this story. So I became curious. That's the first step. I became curious. And I was like, honey, what's happening? Like, what, what, what's happening in those moments? Very neutral. And then I was compassionate. Says, it seems like y…

AI assessment note: “think about the beliefs or patterns or behaviors that You feel often either ashamed of”

Q What, what happened and what lessons do you have for that? Like, how did that?

A I started elevating my self-help IFS work. So the self-help work I was doing really actively, and it's, you know, I think it's like 20 years of hard work for overnight success. You know, I've been sober 20 years, I've been deeply, um, committed to my therapeutic practices, I've been on a spirit, I've been on a spiritual path my whole life, and so I believe that it is the one day at a time, but then I started working with a new therapist, and I was really ready for her, and I was really feeling safe with her, and I was starting to just tend to some of these parts more deeply, go to some of the darker, deeper parts, and it's called unburdening in IFS. These parts start to feel like they can alchemize, and they can become free, and they become unburdened from the past. And so he started having these experiences of unburdening these parts, and Just seeing that overnight after one of these sessions, I could be completely different. And I could feel the shift. And again, I think it's, I think it's one day at a time, 20 years of hard work for overnight success. But along the way, I've had extraordinary miracles and so many moments of relief. So it's not like I have to get 20 years to get this. I wrote a book so that you could get it faster.

AI assessment note: “I started elevating my self-help IFS work... started working with a new therapist”

Q they're just, like, I'm just like, God, whatever's happening here, it's good. If it's Botox or whatever that vitamin A serum is. And so, like, how do you show up with good energy? When you're walking into a room and you are feeling a little tired, are you, like, visualizing love at the person? I know this is maybe a little touchy-feely, but like, what does that actually look like?

A Well, I'll start by saying that it does start with faith, because my desire to show up with that frequency is my desire to be an expression of love. And in other faiths, it might be an expression of God or Buddha nature. Or the universe. So, so because I am grounded in a very unshakable faith, which is the title of my next book. Here, I'm announcing it here on your show. Uh, I've just started writing. I haven't even sold it yet. But, um, this, this idea of living with unshakable faith puts you into this point of attention, noticing and knowing, okay, what I focus on, I create more of. What I put out, I get back. And you live in that knowing. So you're consciously choosing to Co-create a reality that feels good to you. And you aren't doing it from this sort of fake energy of like, oh, well, I read this on, you know, the, in the internet or like TikTok told me to do this. It's, I actually believe and know if I bring my highest frequency, I will, I will feel more elevated and I will elevate those around me. Also, I believe that when you live with unshakable faith, you're also not just living for yourself, you're living for the other. And so I knew that if I showed up on January fifth, good morning, America, and I could bring a high vibe to these people that woke up at three o'clock in the morning to be there. Right. And, you know, Robin Roberts, who had, you know, a sinus infectio…

AI assessment note: “it does start with faith, because my desire to show up with that frequency”

Q Do you ever get pushback from saying this stuff online by people who are like, I'm a victim?

A Listen. By no means am I pardoning the wrongdoing and, and horrific behavior of others. I'm not. I'm a trauma survivor. I would not be sitting here right now if I hadn't done my own work. But to the, to the, the only way that I can live freely is through the forgiveness of the trauma and through the healing of my own parts. Because no amount of rage and shame towards The oppressor is going to get me to the high frequency and the high energy and the joy and the capacity that I want to live in and the energy I want to bring. And so it's, it's the choice of the person who identifies as the victim to say, am I going to be the victim of the world I see, or am I going to show up for myself? Am I going to tune in? Am I going to be compassionate towards myself? It's quite the opposite, uh, To take the, uh, the attention off of the other is the first step to extending compassion towards yourself.

AI assessment note: “By no means am I pardoning the wrongdoing and, and horrific behavior of others.”