Perel: Co-founder fights are rarely about operations; they are about power
Esther Perel · Esther Perel: Build better relationships at work | Masters of Scale · May 22, 2025 · at 14:54
Psychotherapist Esther Perel discusses relationship dynamics and psychological frameworks (citing Howard Markman) applicable to co-founder conflict.
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“You don't necessarily need to know what people are fighting about. Because you want to find out what they're fighting for. What they're fighting for is the form. What they're fighting about is the particular subject du jour. You know, today it's this, tomorrow it's that, but if the fight is that I constantly am in a power struggle with you because I think that you're putting your priorities ahead of mine, it doesn't really matter if we're talking about expansion or hiring or layoffs or changing product. The subject is irrelevant. People fight for power and control. Who's in charge? Whose, whose priorities matter? Who makes the decision? People fight for care and closeness. Can I trust you? And do you have my back? Will you stand up for me? You know, what are you saying behind my back? Et cetera. That's the trust dimension in the, that I mentioned before. People fight over respect and recognition.”
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