The Wisdom Wall

“The urge to correct is so irresistible that we actually use it as one of our negotiation skills. I'll, I'll say something wrong on purpose. Because you will not be able to resist the urge to correct me with the truth. And it's a great way for me to trigger getting hidden information out of you that you won't regret…”

“No negotiation team, whether it's business or hostage, hands a negotiator off to another negotiator to be nicer. Ever. Business or hostage. If there's a change in negotiation, negotiators on the other side, it is always to take a harder line. Always.”

“Well, if they've got proprietary information that would change everything, then your must haves and your giveaways could be completely wrong.”

“Instead of, do you want to talk about what we're here for, which you're driving for yes, because that going for yes creates friction, but going for no creates protection and safety.”

“I mean, you get yourself to B level negotiator there. You'll never get, you'll never get yourself to A, A plus on leverage. Cause leverage is the ability to inflict harm. And if you're making deals based on the ability to inflict harm, these, these are not, those, those don't go for stable long-term relationships.”

“if you're the most mercenary person in the world, and the only thing you care about is making money, then that's the fastest, easiest way to make the money.”

“And the other side will tell you if they could trust you not to hurt them with it. So your first negotiation is trust. Cause they got stuff. If they could tell you it would change everything.”

“Well, questioning somebody makes them feel cornered. Which then diminishes trust because nobody trusts you if you cornered them or interrogated them.”

“So it's compromise is to by definition, make something lose lose. And that is not compatible with a long-term relationship of trust and prosperity. It's, it's compatible with being a C player.”

“I heard a long time ago, up to age five, treat a kid like a king. Five to 15, you know, work them like an indentured servant. At 15, let them go. There's a lot of brain science that, that overlaps very closely with that in the development of the brain.”

“Now, the other thing that you'll, you'll do frequently is hijack to relate and it's called story stealing and you won't, you won't mean to do it. But, um, the other person will say something that triggers this incredible memory in you of a past experience, something that happened to you. It's one of the fallacies of…”

“demonstrating understanding, not understanding, but demonstrated understanding in a way that the other side feels heard and draws them into telling you more, removes you as a threat. First move in a negotiation is to remove yourself as a threat, because why would they make a great deal with you if you're a threat? Why…”

“Hostage negotiators have repeat customers. So I might not see you again, but if I get you out alive, another negotiator is going to, which means if I lied to you, if I deceived you, if I didn't take the time to understand you, that's going to be your experience when you run across the next guy and things are probably…”

“what people really don't understand is how important trust is, and trust is, um, based on your, how predictable you are. Take out the word, uh, trust to put in the word predictability. You all automatically become more trustworthy because you're predictable.”

“people don't remember things, how they happened. They remember, and they don't remember how it started. They remember the most intense moment and how it ended. The last impression is the lasting impression.”

“what would you want to deny walking in? That's your gut instinct telling you a negative is there. And you make the shift from a denial to the straight observation. Look, I'm probably going to seem greedy. I'm probably just going to seem like another slimy salesperson. I'm probably going to seem like somebody that's…”

“neuroscience wise, what difference does it make to make somebody feel hurt? I will trigger the release in you of your neurochemicals, oxytocin and serotonin. If you get a hit of oxytocin, In interacting with me, you're going to bond with me, and you're going to be far more honest with me. Oxytocin, it's bonding and…”

“once I've killed you on price, you are not going to forget that, and you are not going to lift a finger to help me ever again.”

“And what a lot of parents want to do is just order kids around. Like, go to bed because I'm dad. I'm, why? Because I said so. I'm because I'm the father. That's why. Well, that's not, that's not really helping them think. Um, it's demonstrating to them that the only way you can get stuff done is by, through use of…”

“It seems like it's a waste of time and it ends up being a relationship accelerator, which then is a deal-making accelerator.”